Where Does Nebraska’s Ross Dzuris Rank Among College Football’s Best Mustaches?

University of Nebraska defensive lineman Ross Dzuris showed up to team photo day with this beaut of a handlebar mustache. It’s some high-quality facial hair, to be sure — perfectly waxed, complemented by the bowtie — but we’ve seen mustaches like it before. So, where does it stack up?

This is West Virginia University’s punter Nick O’Toole, who, thanks in part to the shaved-yet-receding hairline, really does look like an old-timey weightlifter. It’s a toss-up for me, but if it was picture day in Morgantown and O’Toole had applied the requisite amount of wax, he would probably win hands-down. Since then, he’s fleshed out his look somewhat with a bushy beard, but it’s not quite the same. It’s a good beard, but it doesn’t have the allure of the handlebar mustache.

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Montavious Atkinson is now a freshman at Auburn (^^^A FRESHMAN^^^), but back when he was a commit in February, he sent Twitter into a tizzy over his manly features. And when I say manly, I mean that he looks like a 38-year-old defensive lineman from the ’70s. The mustache really brings the whole look together, which is why it has a spot on this list. But it’s not better than Dzuris because it’s not the defining feature of his face. Just look in his eyes, man. That’s a thousand-yard stare. He’s seen some sh*t.

Via BroBible, this is Mikhail Marinovich, a name which really enhances the mustache in context. He was a defensive lineman for the University of Syracuse from 2008 to 2011, and it’s a shame he’s no longer around to have a mustache-off with O’Toole and Dzuris — a mustache-off that, unfortunately, I believe he would lose, amazing Russian name and all.

And this is LSU punter Jamie Keehn, who is our winner today. Listen, handlebar mustaches are great, but you don’t want to have one yourself, nor would you want to see one on a person you love for more than a week (or a couple, if it leads up to Halloween). Keehn wins on pure facial coverage and ’70s sex appeal. That’s not manly in an affected way. That’s Mark Spitz. That’s Burt Reynolds. That’s as thick and full as any mustache this side of Tom Friggin’ Selleck. Jamie Keehn wins, now somebody find him a time machine so he can go back to 1974 and crush.

Sorry, Ross Dzuris. Your mustache is appreciated, but it’s a bronze medal mustache. Although that’s nothing to scoff at.