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Things you’re supposed to do as a dad, ranked:
10) Feed your kids.
9) Give them shelter.
8) Buy them pizza.
7) Play sports with them.
6) Don’t put them in harm’s way.
5) Watch their games and don’t act like an a$$hole.
4) Buy them ice cream.
3) Protect them.
2) Love them.
1) DON’T DANGLE THEM OVER A RAILING TO GRAB A HOME RUN BALL.
Dammit, Dad. What are you doing?
You’re like the Michael Jackson of dads.
