Assuming that you don’t attend a college with a legendary women’s basketball program, like UConn or Tennessee, you’re probably familiar with the great pains that most programs deal with when it comes to putting asses in seats. Promotional budgets for any college sports that don’t rhyme with pootball or pen’s pasketball are seemingly typically limited to pennies, and in many cases the lesser-appreciated athletes are sent out into the community to beg for money to pay for anything they might need. Is it unfair? Yes. Will it ever change? No.
But the Kansas State University athletic department is taking a different approach to luring the campus bros and babes to this Friday’s game against Tennessee State. They’re giving out free bacon.
This Friday at the #KStateWBB game we’ve got FREE BACON for students starting at 4:45! Free admission w/ student ID. pic.twitter.com/M9F0HEyVBd
— K-State Athletics (@kstatesports) November 5, 2013
Now, I’m not the kind of guy who looks gift bacon in the eye. In fact, I prefer not to look any of the animals I devour in the eye, but that’s a different story. But just what kind of bacon are we talking about here? I’m going to list my concerns now in question form:
- Is this bacon cooked or is it that pre-cooked nonsense that is sold in deli sections at grocery stores for people who are too lazy to cook a slice or two of bacon to make their sandwich more delicious?
- If it’s not that pre-cooked Communist bullcrap bacon, is it just thin-sliced cheap generic bacon, or is it the Smithfield or Hormel decent stuff?
- Is there a low-sodium option? I’m a little concerned about the old ticker these days and I’m trying to cut down on sodium. If I show up to the game, I’d like to know that the KSU AD cares about my health.
- It’s not that turkey bacon bullsh*t, is it? You better not try to pull a fast one on me, because I know the difference, damn it.
- You know what, can I just bring my own bacon and cook it there? I really like Target’s Archer Farms peppered thick cut bacon. I know, I just did that whole thing about low-sodium, but I can’t deny my favorite type of bacon.
Thank you for your time, KSU, and good luck. I can’t make it, but I figured at least one student at that school has taste as refined as mine.
(H/T to College Spun)
