Welcome back to The Walking Dead Bad Decision Power Rankings: (Almost) All Grimes’ Boys Edition!
#5. Michonne’s Zombies
It’s been well established that humans won’t be attacked by zombies when they’re covered in blood and guts and zombie goo, which begs the question: why don’t humans ALWAYS walk around with proverbially castrated zombies, like Michonne does? We also know that if you take a zombie’s jaw off, they’ll become demure, but that doesn’t explain why Michonne’s new friends aren’t constantly bumping into her or, at the very least, futilely trying to gnaw at her shoulders? It takes awhile for zombies to become timid, but Plaid #1 and Plaid #2 are instantly ineffective zombies. Now to the Grimeseseseseseseseseses.
#4. Rick Grimes
This is a minor quibble, and nothing new, but it still bugs me: what’s the deal with airplane food, and also the way Rick holds his gun? I know as much about guns as Glenn does shaving his beard, but wouldn’t it be impossible for Rick to hit anything above MAYBE the kneecaps with the barrel pointed the way it is? Not to mention how he holds his piece with only one hand. There are no “cool points” in shooting zombies, Sheriff Rick, especially when your teenage son looks more natural brandishing a firearm than you do (barely).
#3. CORAL Grimes
One hundred and twelve ounces of pudding. CORAL ate ONE HUNDRED AND TWELVE OUNCES OF PUDDING. That’s 14 cups. Rick should have stayed unconscious a bit longer — that chocolate slush is coming out of CORAL eventually, and it ain’t going to be pretty when it does. (Also: in a zombie apocalypse, I’d move from house to house based on my toilet activity. Take a dump in one house, move to another. Take a dump in that house, move to another, etc. I would die very quickly.)
#2. CORAL Grimes
“OK, you’ve got this, Carl. You’ll bring these zombies away from the house. You won’t kill them or make any noise, unless maybe I should kill them? Wait, am I shooting them or tricking and leaving them? I probably should have planned this out better. Let me try to think of something while I’m walking backward into this covered area with barely visible sight lines? Carl, you brilliant bastard, you’ve done it aga—AHHHHHHHHH.”
#1. CORAL Grimes
That will never not be funny. But how does it compare to?
#TeamTreadmill
