Upfronts begin soon, which means it’s time to bid farewell to the 2013-2014 TV season. It was nice knowing you, Enlisted, Surviving Jack, and Trophy Wife, probably. Smell ya later, Dads. Looking forward to more of you, Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Before we’re overwhelmed with press releases about the exciting new superhero-werewolf-pirate series NBC will spend an ungodly sum of money on, let’s take a look back at the season that was, and pay tribute to its greatest characters. A couple of notes: to be included, a show had to premiere between September 2013 and May 2014 (with one exception); only one character to a show; and I only included shows on the Big Four networks (ABC, NBC, Fox, and CBS) and FX and Comedy Central. That means no HBO or Showtime.
You’ll get yours someday, everyone on Gigolos. (“Yours” meaning STDs.)
Honorable mentions: Phillip from The Americans; Boyd from Justified; Charlie from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia; Nelson Van Alden from Boardwalk Empire; and Peggy from Mad Men.
15. Forrest MacNeil (Review)
Forrest MacNeil is an insane person who does fantastic amounts of harm to himself and those around him, all for the sake of a show-within-the-show that is apparently so unwatched that no one on the street recognizes him from television, and all with a sense of child-like wonder about the whole thing. He’d be a terrible person to know. But he’s a blast to watch. — Danger Guerrero
14. Alicia Florrick (The Good Wife)
Few television characters have endured as much upheaval as Alicia Florrick this season, who transformed from a great, though often vulnerable attorney on The Good Wife to a competitive, bloodthirsty, take-no-prisoners lawyer after she poached many of her clients from Lockhart Gardner and started her own firm with Cary Agos. But after her arch-enemy/love of her life Will Gardner was shot and killed, Florrick had to bite down on her grief, kick her sneering husband to the curb, and continue to run her fledgling new firm even as the vultures circles. Florrick has always had a bitchy streak, but this season, when it’s been needed the most, she has owned it. — Dustin Rowles
13. Ilana Wexler (Broad City)
Broad City was a well-established web series before Amy Poehler and Comedy Central got involved, but it was still a surprise to see just how confident (and fantastic) the TV adaptation was after, what, the first episode? MAYBE the second? It started hot and never slowed down, because that’s not how Ilana functions. She’s a do first, think second personality, a stoner who refreshingly isn’t defined by her relationship to weed, or to her boyfriend, as played by Hannibal Buress (who could also be on this list). It’s about time Comedy Central had a female character who isn’t The Wife or The Mother.
12. Steve Smith (American Dad!)
I’m just going to leave this here:
11. Dr. Hannibal Lecter (Hannibal)
Hannibal is Lucifer in human form, an insidious presence that insinuates itself into your life and slowly corrupts you until you become just like him. Yet Mads Mikkelsen never goes over the top or even makes it sound like Hannibal has much of an ego. Instead, Mikkelsen has created this beautiful, textured portrayal of a psychopath so practiced, so decisive, that you almost find yourself agreeing with him. And, of course, he’s a man of wealth and taste; the guy’s walls are lined with classic Japanese and erotic art, he plays the harpsichord, he’s a skilled chef, and he might be the only human being on the planet who can pull off those suits. Over two seasons, Hannibal has become a mesmerizing trap of a human being: You know he’s dangerous. You know he’s evil. And yet…the feast he’s laid out just looks so delicious. — Dan Seitz
10. Terry Jeffords (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)
If The Rock is “franchise Viagra,” does that make Terry Crews “TV show Cialis”? He makes every project he’s in that much funnier, whether it’s Herbert Love on Arrested Development (one of the true highlights of season four) or Donald DeFreeze on Drunk History — hell, he was even fun on The Newsroom, and NO ONE’s fun on The Newsroom. So it was about damn time Crews got a starring role in a show other than Everybody Hates Chris worthy of his immensely charismatic talents (sorry, Are We There Yet?). He became an instant fan-favorite on Brooklyn Nine-Nine for playing a massive muscle of a man who went not protecting the citizens of New York from murderers is building princess castles for his daughters. The Ebony Falcon soared.
9. Deputy Molly Solverson (Fargo)
See, the thing I love about Officer Molly Solverson is that she is your classic loose cannon who angers her bosses but GETS RESULTS, DAMMIT, but she is also super polite about the whole thing. “Oh, gee whiz, yah, I thnk ya might be wrong there, Chief,” and so on and so forth. It takes an old trope and drops it on its head. That’s always refreshing. Also, and I think this is important, the character’s last name is Solverson. A cop named Solve-rson. That’s just delightful. A+ — Danger Guerrero
8. The Cow (Under the Dome)
The intriguing Under the Dome pilot aired in June, but the disappointing season finale didn’t air until September, so I’m cheating and including The Cow, because LOOK AT THAT GIF.
7. Winston Bishop (New Girl)
No character improved from last season to this season quite as much as Winston. While the New Girl writers struggled with what to do with Nick and Jess, they turned Winston into a lovable, sandwich-meeting oddball, and it all worked, from his relationship with Furguson to his inability to leave a room like a normal person to his obsession with puzzles. He even became a surrogate for the at-home audience, at least when Alexandra Daddario was around. If this were a Honey Roast, we’d say Winston is a really cool dude.
6. Dr. Krieger (Archer)
Amidst an experimental and disjointed season of Archer where several fan favorite ISIS staffers suffered from over exposure, Doctor Algernop Krieger continued to be a bright spot scene-stealer second to none on television. From Kriegerrands to poorly thought out cocaine transport submarines to easter egg launch codes to the Clone Bone, Krieger and Lucky Yates did more than earn their new place in the opening credits. — Kris Maske
5. Sue Heck (The Middle)
I want only the best for Sue Heck. She’s a little Liz Lemon in training, except with a sunnier disposition and less of a chance of moving to the Big City and hanging out with Matt Damon. That’s not a knock on Sue — it’s just that The Middle is a more realistic sitcom than 30 Rock, and much of its terrific comedy is rooted in deep-seeded sadness. Take, for instance, the recent episode where Sue is applying for college scholarships. After getting rejected by one, she unloads, telling herself that she’s perfectly average. She’s not smart like younger brother Brick, or an athlete like older sibling Axel — she’s the epitome of the middle child. It’s heartbreaking, right up until the point where she wins the Optimist Scholarship. It’s only for $100, but looking at the smile on her braced face, you’d think it was for millions.
4. Rick Sanchez (Rick and Morty)
Wubba lubba dub dub! It’s hard getting past the belching. I know I struggled concentrating on what Rick was saying in the Rick and Morty pilot, because all I heard were the burps and vomit and hiccups. But then I learned to adjust, as did the show, and began to listen to what he was saying, and holy sh*t did I like what I was hearing. Rick’s an alcoholic Doc Brown who expects nothing, fears nothing, and truly cares about…nothing, except for his grandson and Pirates of the Pancreas. His credo: “I just got bored,” before literally burning a building to the ground. Or better yet, “I just don’t give a f*ck.”
3. Tina Belcher (Bob’s Burgers)
This is the most honest TV moment in 2014:
Tina is for anyone who puts their bra on one boob at a time, for anyone whose love of Penis Fly Traps is matched only by their desire for #butts, for anyone, really, who feels awkward and confused, with a heart that routinely poops its pants. She’s a weirdly revolutionary character, and the one that keeps Bob’s Burgers together. While the rest of her family yells and screams and makes fart noises around her, there’s Tina in the middle, calmly, quietly, steadily writing more Erotic Friend Fiction.
2. Andy Dwyer (Parks and Recreation)
There was a noticeable dip in Parks and Rec‘s quality when Chris Pratt was off filming Guardians of the Galaxy. His infectiously child-like personality was sorely missed, but then he returned in “Second Chunce” and everything was as it should be. I still regret not having every GIF in my best-of season six post be of Andy’s Van Damme jam. He’s so beloved, he even got his Power Rangers wish.
1. Koogler (Community)
“Do you even have a career plan?” “Yeah, uh, does getting laid count?” Koogler 2016.
