Most animals are cute, cuddly and generally welcoming to humans. (Or at least this is what sharing viral cat memes online has taught us.) When it comes to the New Yorkers of HBO’s Animals, however, not all the world’s critters are like those seen in your favorite YouTube clip. Though they’re just as memorable as the best doges and cheezburgers the internet has to offer, especially since Animals‘ characters experience some of life’s most awkward, hilarious, and violent moments.
Let’s review some of the more crazy highlights from season one.
The background story of Animals involves the city mayor and his various shady dealings. Yet his narrative only serves to flesh out the show’s non-human characters. Like Fink (Jason Mantzoukas), a hard-partying rat with one goal in mind: partying.
That, and making as many babies with as many lady rats as possible. Something that, despite popping rat poison for its “enhancing” effects, this ladies’ man succeeds at with flying colors.
Speaking of babies, a pigeon named Phil (Phil Matarese) wakes up one morning with a golf ball — otherwise known as a “white guy white ball.”
Since Phil has never seen a white guy white ball before, he assumes it’s an egg and begins questioning his gender identity. This transforms into a love affair with Jerry (Nick Kroll), a hard-edged New Jersey pigeon who still loves Phil despite his late realization about the egg/ball.
While the mayor keeps plotting, his wife’s house cats Mike (Mike Luciano) and Phil (Matarese) take in a stray, Alex (Eric Andre). They subsequently drug and imprison him, slap on some bondage gear, and prepare to torture him. You know, because that’s what house cats do when nobody is watching.
Miraculously, Alex escapes right before the pair can poke and prod him with an array of knives, saws, and other “toys.” Mike and Phil consider pursuing him, but when they realize it’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon, they do what all crazed house cats do in the afternoon.
As for the world of dogs, a Papillon named Phil (Matarese) finds himself in a dog park for the first time. After unknowingly drinking from the “pee side” of the water trough…
…he meets a purebred named Charles (Aziz Ansari) who sports a swastika tattoo and rants about mutts. Purebreds, he notes, are where it’s at when it comes to dogs.
Disturbed, Phil escapes Charles’ circle; but not before running afoul of the dog park’s leader, a poodle named Angela (Chelsea Peretti). This leads to a dog show-off and many, many gratuitous butt shots.
In a second episode about rats, Phil Jr. (Matarese) — whose father was also killed by rat poison — takes credit for his friend’s new invention, pants. Yes, the hipster rats of New York claim to have invented “pants” with the leftover potato chip bags and assorted trash left on the streets.
Elsewhere, a moth named Kevin (Pete Holmes) tries neon lights for the first time but the experience doesn’t go well.
A date between two skunks, Antonio (Ben Schwartz) and Stephanie (Nicole Byer), doesn’t go so well either. Why? Because Stephanie, it turns out, is a registered sex offender who “went through the New York public school system faster than a fart in a fan factory.”
Turtles Kaitlin (Jessica St. Clair) and Ashley (Lennon Parham) reveal quite a lot of dirty laundry to each other and the audience. Specifically, how they are both in love with Jeremy, the plastic toy frog. But only one of them manages to consummate her affection, which leads to a violent showdown.
Elsewhere, a storm knocks over a tree and sends its squirrel inhabitants off into Central Park’s version of The Hunger Games. Many are killed, homes are destroyed, and the survivors are left to fend for themselves in the ensuing apocalypse. Three squirrels traveling together are so hungry, in fact, that they get high off mixed nuts hoarded by a musician.
His plans foiled by events unrelated to these creatures, though, the evil mayor attempts to escape the angry Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade crowds, but his path is not clear.
Enter Gregory (Danny McBride), a turkey with a vendetta against the mayor who interrupts his escape. This leads to a climactic, but absurd scene in which Gregory pulls a gun on the mayor (his sworn enemy) and avenges his dead turkey wife that the mayor chose not to pardon.
Through all the craziness enacted and encountered by these characters and more, Animals‘ first season ends with the capture and internment of mice Phil Jr. and Mike in a laboratory. Their future remains unknown, though audiences can find out when season two premieres March 17 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on HBO.
