This week’s episode of The Blacklist focused on Red (James Spader) continuing to search for his ex-wife (Mary-Louise Parker), who had been taken hostage by Berlin, Red’s arch-nemesis, who has an evil mustache and a goddamn metal hook for a hand because The Blacklist, while fun, is about as subtle as a pipe bomb. I bring this up because (a) I wanted to tell you about the bad guy with a hook for a hand, and (b) there was a scene in the middle of the episode that summed the show up as well as any 60-second chunk of video ever could. Allow me to explain.
After a break-in at a mysterious bank that stored money and documents for criminals all over the world, Red decides to help the government track down the perpetrators, for reasons that we later find out are duplicitous and self-serving. Whatever, not all that important. What is important is that his first stop is at a small bakery run by an extremely pleasant Eastern European or Russian woman, because in addition to knowing the inner workings of every criminal operation around the world, he is also an expert on literally everything: wine, books, art, and yes, apparently, where to find the best pastries in all of the world.
Fine, great. But you’re probably wondering exactly what the hell the point is of having him stop for pastries while searching for both sophisticated international bank robbers and his recently captured ex-wife, who, by the way, Berlin is taking apart piece by piece so he can send the evidence — fingers, molars, etc. — to Red through the mail.
I’m glad you asked.
Yup, the sweet old lady sells automatic weapons out of the walk-in refrigerator in her bakery, and her entire operation is kept secret thanks to a conspicuous automatic door in that back that opens by pressing a single button located just inside the door, where one would typically find a light switch. This is quite possibly the worst arms-dealing operation in the entire world. How many new employees do you think have accidentally stumbled upon it while ducking in to grab some more heavy cream? Ten? Twenty? More? This is fascinating to me. I hope the Food Network gives her a reality show. I must know more about her operation. I wonder if a customer has ever bit into an eclair and found a bullet.
But anyway, that’s The Blacklist, basically. Bad guys with hooks for hands and sweet old ladies selling high-powered weapons out of their fridges. Good talk.
