The Social Security Administration released its annual report on baby names today. In addition to finding out that there are people who actually named human children Charger, Hatch, Kaptain, Kyndle, Jceion, Nyx, Pistol, Rydder, Subaru, Tuf, and Xzaiden, we also learned this: Everyone is giving their baby a Game of Thrones name now. A breakdown:
- Arya – 1135
- Khaleesi – 241
- Daenerys – 67
- Theon – 15
- Brienne – 8
- Robb – 5
- Hodor – 0 (dammit)
These figures represent significant increases from last year, when Arya was the fastest-rising girls’ name and 146 people named their baby Khaleesi. That’s fine. Arya is a very pretty name, and if you want to name your daughter after a dragon-possessing warrior queen, don’t let me stop you, especially if it means you’re not going with your second choice, Jxmavenlily. What I want to know is WHO THE F*CK IS NAMING THEIR BABY “THEON’? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? WHYYYYYYY? THEON IS A WHINY WEASEL WHO FINGERED HIS SISTER ON A HORSE AND THEN GOT HIS WIENER CHOPPED OFF. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. THAT’S WHO YOU WANT TO NAME YOUR BABY AFTER? WHAT DID THAT BABY EVER DO TO YOU? IT HAS TO GO TO SCHOOL EVENTUALLY. WITH TEENAGERS. DON’T NAME YOUR BABY THEON. I CAN’T BELIEVE WE EVEN HAVE TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION. JESUS.
