It’s the 47th most wonderful time of the year: season finale season. Most of your favorite network shows will conclude in the next three weeks, including Happy Endings, Community, Parks and Recreation, and Bob’s Burgers, two of which may never return again. It’s a lot to process and keep track of, so today, I present our Season Finale Guide, starring 15 of the most prominent series that will air their season finales this month (meaning, no Game of Thrones or Veep). I’ve broken each show down by What Will Happen, based on the official episode synopsis provided by the Futon Critic, and What Should Happen, based on weird fantasies of mine.
Not every series listed is great, but it can be amusing seeing what terrible shows have in store for May Sweeps, too. I apologize in advance for the sad feelings that may come after realizing New Girl is going away for far too long.
The Americans (May 1st)
What Will Happen:
When Philip and Elizabeth are ordered to go through with a meeting that could potentially be a set-up, they find themselves confronted with unexpected truths about their relationship. Stan’s investigation puts him and the FBI even closer to Philip and Elizabeth. (Via)
What That Should Happen:
“Stan’s investigation” involves him rocking out to Foreigner’s “Double Vision” in his car, when it all begins to make sense. Foreigner. DOUBLE vision. “My God,” he exclaims, “This Yakov Smirnoff fellow is going to be HUGE.” Meanwhile, Elizabeth wears a wig.
Parks and Recreation (May 2nd)
What’s Going to Happen:
Leslie celebrates her first year as a city councilor. A surprise discovery leads Andy to call the only man he knows who can help with the investigation: retired Special Agent Burt Macklin. Meanwhile, April gets some life-changing news, and Tom debates a big business opportunity. (Via)
What Should Happen:
EVERYBODY gets pregnant, including Diane, but especially Champion (somehow).
Happy Endings (May 3rd)
What Will Happen:
Penny’s mom, Dana, and Dave’s dad, Big Dave, are in town visiting, and these two lovebirds are not only going strong, they’ve decided to adopt a baby together, prompting Penny and Dave to react the only way they know how – irrationally. Meanwhile, Brad and Jane want some time just to themselves and decide to try to join an exclusive tennis club, but unfortunately Max is on the scent and they can’t shake him or Alex. (Via)
The third Kerkovich sister, Brooke (guest star Stephanie March), is the alpha sister of the group, and Jane has the daunting task of planning a wedding for her more perfect and exquisite older sibling. Meanwhile, Brad is having a tough time himself dealing with Brooke’s equally more perfect African American fiance, Elliot (guest star James Lesure), and Alex and Dave have a big secret they’re hiding. (Via)
What Should Happen:
“The third Kerkovich sister.” I got nothing here. That’s exactly what should happen.
Community (May 9th)
What’s Going to Happen:
Jeff achieves enough credits to graduate and contemplates graduation – and beyond. Meanwhile, the study group revisits the “darkest timeline,” from last season’s “Remedial Chaos Theory.” (Via)
What Should Happen:
Hannibal Annie faces off against Goth Britta, the Internet explodes.
Glee (May 9th)
What Will Happen:
It’s time for Regionals, and the glee club is more determined than ever to advance to Nationals. Brittany returns from her MIT trip with a new attitude and Ryder finally has a lead on who is “catfishing” him. (Via)
What Should Happen:
In the not-at-all-exploitative season finale of Glee, McKinley High School hosts a charity marathon to assist those who were affected by last month’s school shooting. As the race is winding down, however, an explosion goes off near the finish line, and also 9/11 and another school shooting happen.
Bob’s Burgers (May 12th)
What’s Going to Happen:
After Gene loses his confidence at his baseball game, Linda decides to sign him up for baseball camp. The only problem? She needs money to pay for it! Meanwhile, Tina discovers her love for espresso and becomes a caffeine addict. (Via)
What Should Happen:
Bob Belcher meets Coach McGuirk meets Sterling Archer meets Carl meets The Master meets Can of Vegetables meets Ben meets Mortimer Mango meets Jon Benjamin Has a Van.
American Dad! (May 12th)
What Will Happen:
Klaus discovers his original human body, but Stan refuses to help him switch back. So, Klaus steals Stan’s body and Stan becomes the fish. Meanwhile, Roger turns the attic into a gym, and tries to pressure Steve into a long-term membership. (Via)
What Should Happen:
Steve sings nothing but Keith Sweat songs for 30 minutes. No commercials, just Sweat. The end.
How I Met Your Mother (May 13th)
What Will Happen:
As the gang prepares to head out to Robin and Barney’s wedding, Ted invites Lily to see the house he’s finally finished fixing up. Meanwhile, Robin and Barney’s night of relaxation is ruined by an obnoxious couple, and Marshall takes the baby on a last-minute trip to Minnesota to see his family. (Via)
What Should Happen:
We’ve already covered this in detail: The Mother is revealed to be Summer Roberts, a.k.a Cindy, even if that makes no sense and she’s a lesbian. But How I Met Your Mother still airing after eight seasons doesn’t make a lick of sense, either, so… (We’d also accept Honey. Oh, Honey.)
New Girl (May 14th)
What Will Happen:
Cece’s wedding day finds Jess and Nick making a decision about their relationship. Meanwhile, Schmidt schemes with a typically overenthusiastic Winston to sabotage the nuptials, although a shocking announcement may be bigger than anything he plans. (Via)
What Should Happen:
We know Taylor Swift is guest starring in the season finale, so she has to figure into the plot somehow. My best guess: she and Jess have a cute-off, with the winner receiving a $20 coupon to the Unicorns and Bunny Rabbits Store, while Nick makes his turtle face at their general direction, equal parts disgusted and turned on. He speaks for the viewers at home, too. Elsewhere, Cece and Schmidt get back together, because obviously.
The Mindy Project (May 14th)
What Will Happen:
When Mindy decides to go to Haiti on a volunteer mission with Casey, Danny and his ex-wife, Christina, throw a party for them that they will never forget. (Via)
What Should Happen:
Mid-scene, Mindy walks away from who she’s talking to and breaks the fourth wall by directly speaking to the audience. “It has come to my attention,” she begins, “that many of you do not like my show because of its sincere embrace of romantic comedies. This is a perfectly valid criticism, but let me also clarify something: When Harry Met Sally, often considered to be one of the genre’s greatest accomplishments, is a rank turd of a film that even disease-covered flies won’t touch. Thank you.” She continues the scene, as planned.
Modern Family (May 15th)
What Will Happen:
Phil gets a brand new RV with high hopes of going on a fun family road trip, and Claire decides to let him learn the hard way why this will likely be a terrible idea. Meanwhile, Manny has misplaced his backpack and Jay and Gloria go with him on a hunt for it, breaking into Claire’s, then Mitchell’s house — where they do some snooping; and Lily’s gymnastics meet brings out an unrivaled competitive spirit in Mitch and Cam. (Via)
What Should Happen:
Cameron and Mitchell don’t fight, which would be the biggest plot development in Modern Family history. Also, someone accidentally pricks Manny with a pin and he deflates, like a balloon filled with gravy.
The Office (May 16th)
What Will Happen:
Months after the airing of the documentary, the workers of Dunder Mifflin, past and present, gather for a wedding and a final round of interviews. Mysteries are solved, hatchets are buried, pranks are prunked. (Via)
What Should Happen:
I’ll have about this next week, but here’s my prediction: Jim and Pam are fine now, but in the series finale, which is set in the future, it’s revealed that they broke up. Michael comes back for the wedding in Scranton (maybe his with Holly?), and talks to Pam about what happened. He convinces her to give Jim another shot. She drive to Philly, they make up, and live happily every after. I’m not saying that should happen, but that’s what I think will. What I WANT to happen is Creed kills everyone, except Erin, and they live happily ever after.
SNL (May 18th)
What Will Happen:
Ben Affleck will host the May 18 season finale, with Kanye West serving as musical guest. (Via)
What Should Happen:
Gigli: The Director’s Cut, in which Brian, now played Kanye, never sees The Baywatch.
The Simpsons (May 19th)
What Will Happen:
Homer, Moe, Lenny, and Carl win $200,000 in the Springfield Lottery. But when Carl takes off to Iceland – his homeland – with all the winnings, the guys embark on a Nordic adventure to get the cash back. Then, on a trip to “Dizzneeland” the Simpsons board the wrong ride, and are transported through the galaxy to Kang and Kodos’ home planet. (Via)
What Should Happen:
We try to pretend The Simpsons haven’t already done episodes about the lottery and warped amusement parks. Another idea: THE SIMPSONS ARE GOING TO…THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN, because they’ve literally been everywhere else in the world (and beyond).
Smash (May 26th)
What Will Happen:
It’s Tony night! And the awards might not provide the answers everyone is looking for. Jimmy faces a final reckoning and Tom, Julia, Derek, Karen, Ivy and Eileen wait to see if the awards will confirm their place in the Broadway pantheon once and for all. (Via)
What Should Happen:
HULK SMASH THROUGH WALLS. STRANGLE DEBRA MESSING WITH ONE OF HER SCARVES. HULK SPARE MEGAN HILTY. HULK KNOWS TALENT WHEN HULK SEES IT.
