ESPY Awards (ESPN) — Seth Meyers hosts ESPN’s annual tribute to ESPN. Soul-sucking events like this make me glad that I’m not the one running With Leather any more.
Rescue Me (FX) — Season premiere. The final season begins. I know that there are a lot of people who really like this show, but I just can’t stick with it. This show needs a lot more fires and a lot fewer scenes where Tommy’s either getting drunk or arguing with one of his women. I mean, I live across the street from an FDNY firehouse, and I hear a siren every 30 minutes. I KNOW there are more fires out there.
Roseanne’s Nuts (Lifetime) — Series premiere. Roseanne Barr runs a macadamia nut farm in Hawaii. Not what I would have predicted 15 years ago. Watch a preview here.
Dance Moms (Lifetime) — Series premiere. Like “Toddlers & Tiaras,” except the girls are less likely to become strippers. Read more about it here. Choice quote: “‘I definitely think of my girls as little dolls,’ says Melissa, whose daughters, Maddie, 8, and Mackenzie, 7, dance at Abby Lee [Dance Company].”
One Man Army (Discovery) — Series premiere. People with military and other service backgrounds go head-to-head in this “Fear Factor”-like show. Read more about it here.
Damages (DirecTV) — Season premiere. FX opted not to continue with the show, but it lives on at DirecTV, where Patty Hewes (Glenn Close) will spend this season working with a corrupt military contractor (John Goodman) facing a wrongful death suit.
