Aziz Ansari’s written a new book, and it’s not an autobiography. The comedian best known for playing smooth-as-hell Tom Haverford on Parks and Recreation has written an opus on modern relationships with sociologist Eric Klinenberg, and he has a message for all the singles out there: Never, ever try to get a date by typing “Heyyy” and hoping for the best.
The Washington Post got their hands on Ansari’s thoughts on texts, and aside from typing out greetings with far too many vowels, he’s got some other pet peeves he says will really mess up your love life. These mood-killers include never making any plans, generic texts and bad grammar (agree). What’s most annoying, however, could be the “endless back-and-forth,” which anyone who’s dated during the cell phone era knows is an agonizing descent into mind-numbing awfulness.
The endless back-and-forth: This is when two strangers talk about anything but meeting up. And it’s incredibly boring. “I can’t tell you how many girls I met who were clearly interested in a guy who, instead of asking them out, just kept sucking them into more mundane banter with gems like ‘So where do you do your laundry?’ What follows are ten back-and-forths about laundry (‘Yeah, I recently switched to fragrance-free detergent. It’s been FANTASTIC.’)”
Save the laundry talk for when you’ve been together for two months, and all the magic’s gone out of the relationship, okay? Ansari says that if the singles of the world want to find a mate (or even a one-night-stand), texts should be funny, non-creepy and to the point. Non-creepy also helps, but you already knew that, right?
(Via the Washington Post)
