The Cowboys Have Found Their Backup QB By Trading For Matt Cassel

Worry not, America’s Team! Your savior has arrived! Just open that box sent from Buffalo. I know you’ve been wanting this for a long time, and when you broke your Tony Romo you were so sad that I just had to get it. Now play nice, it cost a conditional seventh round draft pick in 2017! Yup, that’s right – it’s your very own MATT CASSEL!

What’s that? You didn’t want Matt Cassel? Well, why not? He once played behind the vaunted Tom Brady, before he ended up in Kansas City. He led KC to the playoffs once! That’s a hell of a pedigree.

Sure, his time in Minnesota was short and terrible but the Vikings were such a bad team then anyway.

I guess his stint in Buffalo didn’t last long either, but hey! He can’t be that bad, right? Right?

Okay, okay…maybe he does indeed suck, but there’s no need to panic. The Cowboys only picked him up as insurance, right? They only had two quarterbacks on the roster, and with Romo down they had to invest in some insurance. Surely Cassel will never see the field as the Cowboys backup is probably just fine and….oh, that’s right – it’s Brandon Weeden, the only person in the Cowboys organization older than Jerry Jones.

So, Dallas now has an all-star offensive line protecting either Brandon Weeden or Matt Cassel. Neither of them have a Dez Bryant to throw to. Well, at least they have Jason Witten.

Oh.

Ooooooh.

Have fun with that, Dallas.