We love to poke fun at Florida for being the most Florida state in the nation — what with their weird criminals and freaky tree-climbing alligators, but right now, we’re actually kind of jealous of them. Because even though they’re seemingly on the brink of being taken over by rapidly-reproducing, sentient vending-machine overlords (which we should have seen coming)…there’s pizza. And lots of it.
The past few weeks, Florida has seen a new explosion in vending machines that dispense hot, fresh pizza on demand — thanks to the Orlando-based company Pizza Touch. Currently, there are three such vending machines in the state, two in Orlando, and one in Lakeland. But Pizza Touch, like any potentially world-domination-driven corporation worth their salt, is planning to expand, bringing at least a hundred more pizza vending machines to convenient locations like hospitals, college campuses, malls, and hotels.
And then? We’re guessing here, but… Our National Parks? The Smithsonian? The moon? None of which is necessarily a terrible thing, because, pizza.
If you’re all about quality, don’t get your hopes up. Pizza Touch’s pizzas probably don’t come anywhere near rivaling a freshly-made Chicago-style pie. But what do you have to complain about, anyway? This is convenience pizza – take-and-go in its most glorious form. Welcome to the 21st century! For just $6 and just two minutes of your time, you’ll receive a fully-cooked, 9-inch pizza. (The uncooked pies are stored in a refrigerated state at the ready.) You’ll even get to choose your topping of preference — currently, three varieties are available: cheese, pepperoni, and Margherita.
Florida resident Steven Meadows told the Tampa Bay Times that the pizza he ordered – “on a whim because it seemed interesting” – was a bit doughy, but all in all not bad.
And then there’s this Facebook video of a man named Otis testing out the vending machine pizza while the woman filming him giggles off-camera:
Is it the way of the future? Will we all be surviving on freshly re-heated vending machine fare a hundred years from now? Only time will tell. But if this is the future, we’re not all that sad.
