Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (ABC, 8 p.m.) — Ratings for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. have been steadily falling, endangering the huge, crossover franchise that Marvel has built, wherein every property intersects, and they’re all kept afloat like a really, really cool house of cards. Anyway, in tonight’s episode, the agents will be asked to clean up the mess in London left by the events in Thor: The Dark World. If Hemsworth doesn’t appear, we riot. At least give us Hiddleston.
Sons of Anarchy (FX, 10 p.m.) — I think the business with Tara will be put on the backburner this week, while Jax and the MC deal with the Irish in what looks to be an explosive, action-driven episode.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Fox, 8:30 p.m.) — How do you make the best new show of the fall even better? Bring in Patton Oswalt, who will be playing a pizza shop owner in tonight’s episode.
New Girl (Fox, 9 p.m.) — Coach and Cece go out on a date tonight. Coach is going to have to take out a huge withdrawal to deposit into the douchebag jar for this.
The Goldbergs (ABC, 8 p.m.) — Have you been confusing Adam Goldberg, the guy from Friends, with Adam F. Goldberg, the guy who runs this show? Don’t worry. You’re not alone.
David Blaine: Real or Magic (ABC, 9:30 p.m.) — Among the celebrities on Blaine’s magic show are Will Smith, Olivia Wilde, Woody Allen and Stephen Hawking, and especially Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul. Check out their mind-blowing reaction to Blaine’s card trick.
LATE NIGHT LISTINGS: Anderson Cooper is on Letterman; George W. Bush will be on Leno; Elizabeth Banks is on Kimmel; Margaret Cho is on Kimmel; Will Forte is on Fallon; Bill Cosby is on The Daily Show, Rick Santorum is on Colbert; and Simon Cowell is on Conan.
