Every once in a while, there comes along a fan reaction photo or GIF that captivates the hearts and minds of every denizen of the sports internet. Sometimes it’s Yankees fans taunting an opponent. Sometimes it involves zero Pirates fans interested in catching a home run. Sometimes it involves just normal people at a Bulls game.
Folks, I regret to be pleased to inform you that the fans are at it again.
During Saturday night’s World Baseball Classic semi-finals play-in game between the United States and the Dominican Republic, this happened:
Simply spectacular! @SimplyAJ10's incredible catch robs Manny Machado & Team DR of a crucial HR en route to @USABaseball's victory. #WBC2017 pic.twitter.com/dNvDgaUYBK
— Baltimore Orioles (@Orioles) March 19, 2017
That’s Adam Jones of the Baltimore Orioles making a breathtaking leap to rob his own teammate, Manny Machado, of a surefire home run. But perhaps your eyes went to the mind-boggling array of reactions on the faces of the fans behind him. You certainly wouldn’t be the only one to notice.
https://twitter.com/jatayler/status/843327388905885697
But these are more than faces; these are real people, with real lives and emotions. And so now, to honor them, I present completely fictional and hypothetical backstories for these people created from my own mind, or perhaps just a glimpse into their internal monologues based entirely on one frozen instant in time.
A key for your edification:
1.
[just “Suedehead” playing on a loop]
2.
It was at that moment that Tony finally got it: rectum sounded like “Wrecked him.” He had to admit, it was a pretty good play on words, if a bit crude.
3.
“Always follow the ball all the way into the glove,” Steve’s father told him as a kid. “You don’t have to be afraid of the ball; it’s not going to hurt you. Not bad, anyway. Just watch the ball all the way into the glove, and you’ve got it.” Steve heard the crack of the bat, and his lizard brain remembered his father’s words, and processed them, even before he was aware of it.
He followed the flight of the ball, and stood unconsciously, because it was heading right in his direction. He wasn’t afraid of the ball, and he barely had time to process the excitement of the moment. His eyes followed the ball the whole way: not into his mitt — he didn’t bring one — but into the mitt of Adam Jones. “Had it the whole way,” Steve muttered under his breath as the excited chatter of his section continued well into the next at-bat.
Steve sat, and thought of his father.
4.
“OH MAN OH MAN,” Johnny yelled, steadying his cell phone to try and capture the perfect angle. A first-person shot of a home run! That’s too perfect! YouTube is gonna love this! And then suddenly, everything was happening. People were shoving into him, screaming. And — what is that? An American flag in the shot? What the hell, man? His view through the phone was obscured, and then everyone finally moved away from one another.
“What happened?” Johnny had to ask his girlfriend, Chloe. She didn’t know, either. She had turned away from the ball in fear and clutched at him. Finally, they gathered that Jones had made the catch. “Well at least I didn’t miss out on that home run shot,” said Johnny. “Would have been a sick angle, though.”
5.
“STRONNNNNGER, THAN YESTERDAYYYYYY. HMM HMM SOMETHIN SOMETHIN MILE AWAYYYY, MY LOOOONELINESS AIN’T KILLIN’ ME NO MOE-WOOOOORE. CUZ. I’M — OH HOLY CRAP LOOK OUT ARMIN.”
6.
As he had settled into his seat earlier that evening, Armin felt a brief moment of panic that he might not have brought enough American flags.
7.
“Hey, guys? I’m starting to think that Machado’s power is sustainable at the major league level.”
8.
Harold had heard of it before, but he had never seen one up close: a real-life baseball mitt! Wow! Right here in front of him. The catch was pretty neat, too, he supposed, but wow! All that leather! All those laces! How do you even make one of those things. He was going to remember this night for a very, very long time.
9.
Every once in a while, Rick would become fixated on that Crash Test Dummies song. Could trauma really make all your hair go white? Just like that? My heavens, what a thought.
10.
“This is it! The ball that makes me rich! A Manny Machado lead-narrowing home run from an ACTUAL middle round of the ACTUAL World Baseball Classic! I wonder if I can just call Sotheby’s directly, or if I have to go through some sort of — aw nertz, he caught it.”
11.
“I don’t have to put up with this sort of treatment, you know. I was an ACTOR.”
12.
No one can ever fully describe the intense moment of sheer panic when it appears a baseball might be headed directly for you. You can try to prepare, but you’ll never be fully ready. April wasn’t ready, but it was over in an instant. And as she nervously giggled, she deeply hoped she’d never feel that sensation again.
What she didn’t know — what she would never know — was that everyone else in her proximity felt the same panic, felt the same relief. And shared the same wish that the feelings would never arise again.
13.
I measure every Grief I meet
With narrow, probing, eyes –
I wonder if It weighs like Mine –
Or has an Easier size
14.
Hector’s timing was once again becoming an issue. He had heard “U-S-A” chants before, but it was his dream to begin one himself. The damned timing of it all, though. When Jones made the catch, it had been a full four seconds since Harold had hollered “U!” Still had his hands up and everything. The “S” was next, that much he knew. But when should it be uttered? Chants were tricky business, to be sure.
15.
Sometimes it felt like no one was ever going to teach Justin how to Dougie.
