Dan Orlovsky, a former NFL quarterback who works for ESPN as a football analyst who is good for breaking down film in a way that even a dimwit like myself can understand, is known for saying some occasionally wild stuff on Al Gore’s internet about food (examples: “potato chips are gross,” “soup is gross,” “lobster is gross“). We’ve all shared a food take or two in the past that isn’t popular, as humans have their own unique palates and everyone experiences things differently. Ok, fine, it happens!
Having acknowledged that, Dan, my guy, we gotta talk. The Sicilians, centuries ago, came up with a really good dessert called “cannoli” that literally every single person I have ever met who can eat fried dough and cream enjoys. ESPN producer Dominique Collins had one for breakfast today, which, I’ve never done that but shout out to Dominique for this it sounds perfectly acceptable.
Current level of Italian: I just made myself a cannoli for breakfast.
— Dominique Collins (@dominique_mpc) January 6, 2022
When you really think about it, cannoli and chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream have some similarities, so no harm in this, not even a little! Now we get to Orlovsky, who cursed my timeline with this:
Wanna be honest here-respectfully—cannolis do not taste good. Ever
🙏
— Dan Orlovsky (@danorlovsky7) January 6, 2022
Dan Orlovsky, what in the name of all that is holy are you doing. All this tells me, a person whose last name ends with the letter “o,” is that you’ve never had a cannoli by a person who knows how to make one, preferably one that is fresh. It’s a light, crispy shell stuffed with a sweet ricotta cream and has stuff like chocolate chips in it! This is very tasty! Seeing as how hard sheep’s milk cheese is a newer thing for Orlovsky, I would go as far as to say that he’s just never had really good Italian food, although previous statements indicate that is not the case, at least when it comes to chicken parmesan, even if I would quibble with that being “the best Italian dish ever gifted to us humans.”
I would like to formally invite Dan to join me in either Little Italy in Lower Manhattan or on Arthur Avenue in the Bronx, where we will go on a bar crawl, only with cannoli. A cannoli crawl, if you will. I will fly to New York on my own dime to make this happen. God as my witness we will find you one (1) cannoli that Dan Orlovsky will enjoy.
