DimeMag

Charlie Sheen’s Winners & Losers From Game 4

So apparently we have a series. When LeBron James cites an elbow injury today, don’t be surprised. And when Dirk eventually contracts pneumonia, expect him to score 40. Obviously LeBron was last night’s biggest loser and Dirk it’s biggest winner, but there are some other people of note who deserve some recognition.

Winners

Jason Terry: For his one-handed fling at the end of the shot clock.

Mario Chalmers: For his hard foul on Terry to prevent a fast break layup. How many times have we seen this end in an and one? Also, for living in the lane and racking up six assists. Clearly Mike Wilbon watched a different game, claiming post-game that he played “poorly.”

Little kid in the front row: For whacking the lady sitting next to him with a thunderstick after a Dallas run forced a Miami timeout. That’s really the beauty of youth – do whatever you want and get away with it. So what was her retaliation, you ask? A pat on the head. Little kid 1, pissed off lady 0.

Dwyane Wade: For an impressive and one in which he went up for the dunk, got fouled, lost the ball and hung on the rim. Meanwhile the ball came late to the party, dropping into the basket Wade was already hanging on the rim. But this play raised a few questions: Is that even legal? Is it not basket interference on Wade? Is there even a rule on this?

Dirk Nowitzki: For looking super German when he was sixteen. And for having a perfect part in his hair for the NBA Draft.

Steve Nash: I can’t even describe his hair on Draft Day, but one thing I do know is that it was a win.

Dirk’s finger: Remember how it’s messed up? Yeah, me neither. Now that he’s got a sinus infection, I’m curious to see what malady will arise for Game 5.

Losers

J.J. Barea’s three-point shot: Two questions: 1) Why does Mike Breen ever have to utter, “Nowitzki, out to Barea, for three….” 2) Why are we surprised when he misses? On a side note, his form is eerily similar to Shawn Marion‘s.

Peja Stojakovic: Even though we were all waiting for his eventual benching, it can’t feel good to play behind The Custodian. But that’s what happens when you make a mess on the court.

The refs: For calling a lane violation against LeBron during a Terry free throw. You can’t tell me there’s no home court ref advantage. I wouldn’t be surprised if they started calling technical fouls on Erik Spoelstra for leaving the coaches box by six inches.

Dallas’ defensive rebounding: For being nonexistent. They gave up 10 offensive rebounds in the first 16 minutes.

Tyson Chandler: I know he had a good game (13 points, 16 rebounds), but is it just me or can he not finish around the rim? Especially against Wade.

Dirk Nowitzki: For missing a free throw – I know I know, he was sick. But still. Part of me died when that happened.

Brian Cardinal: I think we’re past the point of celebrating his receiving minutes. But Cardinal deserves some criticism for his ability to enter the game, miss a three and turn it over in a matter of 30 seconds. And then in the third quarter, he got absolutely bulldozed by LeBron. But don’t worry, it was called a block.

Brian Cardinal, again: For being on the receiving end of LeBron’s “let me just lean back and throw a perfect pass to D-Wade for the devastating alley-oop.”

A different little kid in the front row: Dallas called a timeout after a Miami 9-0 run. With the Heat players high fiving each other left and right, this star struck fan thought he’d get in on the action. Too bad the Miami players weren’t having any of it. And to make matters worse, Mark Jackson had to make a comment about it during one of his mythical outros.

The media: For nobody asking LeBron during the post-game press conference, “You scored eight points, why did you suck so bad?” Clearly no one wanted to get Gregg Doyel’d.

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