Lamar Odom is an addict, but he says he’s an addict that wants to live. Odom addressed his addiction and his struggle to live in an emotional The Players’ Tribune piece on Thursday that chronicled how he got involved with drugs and how his mental state caused him to put his life in jeopardy because of drugs.
While Stephen A. Smith may think otherwise, Odom was clear about his addiction in the piece: cocaine. What’s interesting is that Odom said he once “looked down” on people who used cocaine and didn’t start until well after he went on a vacation.
I didn’t try it until I was 24 years old, when I was on summer vacation in Miami. And … I wish I could tell you there was a reason for it. There wasn’t. It was just an asinine decision I made. If I knew that it was going to affect my life the way it did, I would’ve never even thought about it. Never. But I did it. It turned out to be a life-altering decision.
Right around that same time, my grandmother passed away. I lost a lot of family members in a short period of time. When I did coke, I felt good for a minute. I stopped having so much anxiety. I didn’t think about the pain. I didn’t think about death. So I kept doing it more and more, but I was still in control. It wasn’t like an everyday thing.
As Odom got older and his career waned, he said it became an everyday habit. Soon, it was the only thing he could think about. Odom says he couldn’t control his drug use.
When I was like 32, 33 … I just wanted to get high all the time. That’s it, just get high. And things got dark as hell.
One of the darkest places I’ve ever been was when I was in a motel room, getting high with this chick, and my wife (at the time) walked in. That probably was like rock bottom.
Odom was also blunt about his infidelity and his son’s death. He also talked about watching his mother die at age 12 and the death of his grandmother. The message is clear: no one is strong all the time, and no one is above addiction.
My dick and my habit took me down all the roads that you don’t ever wanna go down. A lot of great men are fools to that. Fools to that. There are probably a lot of young dudes out there who hear my story and think that it could never happen to them. That they’re untouchable.
Man … Nobody is untouchable. Nobody in this life is immune to pain.
Odom says he wants to get high right now. But knowing he can’t, and knowing he needs to be there for his family, is keeping him alive.
I’m sober now. But it’s an everyday struggle. I have an addiction. I’ll always have an addiction. It never goes away. I mean, I want to get high right now. But I know that I can’t if I want to be here for my children.
It seems like Odom is in a better place now, which is good. But his honestly is powerful here: he wants to live, and it sounds like he’s on the right path to get through each day for his family and friends.