Game 3 of the 2017 NBA Finals tips off in Cleveland on Wednesday night, but I’m not here to talk about whether the Cavaliers can bounce back down 0-2 to the Warriors or about whether Golden State is the best team in history or anything like that.
I’m here to talk about LintBron James.
Oh, you don’t know about LintBron James? This is LintBron James.
That’s a lady in Cleveland that made a sculpture of LeBron James out of 30 pounds of dryer lint. I have questions about this. Many questions, questions that would hopefully make Brian Grubb proud.
Why did you do this, mysterious lint lady?
Did you just have 30 pounds of dryer lint lying around?
Why don’t you clean out your dryer more often?
Why don’t you throw away your dryer lint when you clean out your dryer?
How long have you been planning this?
How long did it take to collect 30 pounds of dryer lint?
Do you know how much laundry you have to do to get 30 pounds of dryer lint?
Did you purposefully do lots of loads of laundry to get all this lint?
Did you have to do loads of just brown clothes, yellow clothes, black clothes, and red clothes to get the right colors?
Why do you have so many clothes in those colors?
Did you stalk people at laundromats to get this?
Did you know everyone thought you were super creepy asking them for their dryer lint?
Did people ask why you needed all of their lint?
Why didn’t anyone tell you this was a ridiculous idea when you told them?
Wait, did you paint the dryer lint?
How do you even go about painting dryer lint?
Like, do you have to put papier-mâché over it?
Why wouldn’t you just make papier-mâché LeBron James?
Is it because of the pun name?
Did you know having 30 pounds of dryer lint lying around is a significant fire hazard?
Who asked for this?
Who thinks to do this?
Why did no one stop this?
Why don’t you have better friends or family members to tell you not to do this?
What do you do with LintBron now?
Did you know this looks more like Lance Stephenson than LeBron James?
Is Lints Stephenson a better pun than LintBron James?
What’s the best NBA player name for a lint pun?
What about Kevlint Love?
If the Cavaliers win Game 3 does that mean LintBron James has special powers?
Will the Cavs have to adopt LintBron James like the Angels did the Rally Monkey that one year?
If they do, and they win the title again, do we have to accept LintBron James as the NBA’s MVP?
Do you realize LintBron has as many NBA Finals appearances as Chris Paul?
How long until someone in Cleveland pitches a LintBron/Lil’ Kev buddy cop series?
How many LintBron t-shirts will be created because of this?
Did you know Cleveland loves to make sports-themed t-shirts?
Were you aware that t-shirts make up 23 percent of the Cleveland economy?
Is LintBron James elite?
Where does LintBron James belong among the all-time lint statues of NBA greats?
Do you have to consider different eras of lint trapping technology when discussing all-time great lint statues?
Did you know Michael Jordan’s lint statue would’ve averaged 45 points a game had he been around in the modern era like LintBron James?
What about Oscar Robertson, no one talks about him?
Is LintBron the playmaker the Cavs have needed off the bench this series?
How many LintBrons would it take to beat the Warriors?
What’s more powerful, 1 giant LintBron or 50 miniature LintBrons?
Why are you the way you are, Cleveland fans?
You realize no one else is making statues of their teams’ players out of dryer lint, right?
Does that make Cleveland fans more dedicated than the rest of us?
Am I a bad fan if i don’t make an effigy of my favorite players with something I’d normally throw away?
Does anyone else feel a desperate need to go clean out their dryer vent right now?