My Name is Earl

11.28.09 9 years ago 31 Comments

What would be more frustrating: Having a behemoth like Shaq make your summer weight-lifting look pointless when he bowls you over and dunks on your head? Or getting lit up by Earl Boykins, who — once he’s done lighting you up — sits on the bench and you can see his feet swinging? … D-Wade and crew got a taste of that Boykins-fueled frustration last night, when Earl (10 pts, 9 asts) took over the fourth quarter and led the Wizards to a win. Creating space for mid-range jumpers and handing out dimes to Antawn Jamison (24 pts, 13 rebs) and the other bigs, Boykins played so good that Gilbert Arenas never saw the floor in the fourth. One time Mario Chalmers took his eyes off Boykins for a split-second while bringing the ball up, and in a flash Boykins dipped under him, stole the ball, and scored a layup on the other end … And even if Arenas wanted to get in at two-guard next to Boykins, that wouldn’t have worked, either. Nick Young (22 pts) was getting buckets and playing solid D against Wade … When Andray Blatche went behind his back and shook braid out of Udonis Haslem‘s head, then dropped a no-look pass to Brendan Haywood for a dunk, was that not the greatest single moment he’s had in the NBA? And doesn’t that realization kind of hurt if you’re a Wizards fan? … Friday in Miami when pretty much everybody had the day off from work — no wonder there was a sea of empty seats for this game. But please believe the free clinics around South Beach are gonna be PACKED Monday morning … Why can’t the Knicks make their own players look as good as they make everyone else look? Last year Kobe had his 61, LeBron had his 52-9-11 or whatever it was, and Wade gave the Knicks 55 one time. Last night Carmelo had his turn, stamping 50 points (17-28 FG, 15-16 FT) on New York in a game that actually went down to the wire. Carmelo’s last two points came on free throws with 16 seconds left when NY was fouling to try and stay in the game. It didn’t work … Some might feel bad for Al Harrington having his 41-point effort overshadowed by ‘Melo, but we feel worse for Wilson Chandler. He’s always the one getting slapped with industrial-grade meat when these all-world players are having a career night and he hardly gets any help … As the Rockets were clanging their way through a seven-minute stretch of the third quarter where they went scoreless and basically cost themselves the game to San Antonio (the Spurs’ first road win of the season), Clyde Drexler offered some advice: “I would’ve put my head down and run over 10 people to get to the line.” The play-by-play guy added, “You’d jump over them.” Clyde wasn’t lying, either. But Trevor Ariza is Houston’s go-to guy right now, and he just doesn’t have that instinct in his game yet. Too often he’s moving away from contact and taking bad fadeaways when his team is struggling instead of attacking and forcing the issue … We’re guessing ESPN originially intended to air Suns/Wolves as their day-after-Thanksgiving 9:30 p.m. EST game — obviously for the Ricky Rubio vs. Steve Nash factor — but changed it to Bucks/Thunder after the Wolves became tragically boring and Brandon Jennings started to blow up. (Oh yeah, somebody in the Dime office wanted to remind everybody that he predicted Jennings would be this good this soon. So there you go.) … Young Money’s big national TV debut was a letdown, as he was held to 12 points on 3-of-11 shooting and got worked over by Russell Westbrook (20 pts, 7 asts), who going into the season was supposed to be one of the young PG’s having a breakout … Kevin Durant put up 33 points and 12 boards in OKC’s win. Other stat lines from Friday: Dirk Nowitzki dropped 31 points (11-13 FT) in a blowout of the Pacers; Baron Davis posted 25 points and 10 assists in the Clippers’ win at Detroit; Jamal Crawford scored 24 off the bench to lead Atlanta past the Sixers; Marc Gasol put up 19 points and 15 boards in Memphis’ win over Portland; Gerald Wallace went for 31 points and 14 boards in an upset win over the Cavs; and Tyreke Evans scored 21 to lead the Kings past the Nets, who fell to 0-16 and merely have to beat the Lakers on the road to avoid tying the worst start of all-time … Like you needed any further proof that Paul Pierce is a cold-blooded assassin on the court: In the fourth quarter of Celtics/Raptors, Pierce blew past Rasha Nesterovic (why was Rasho guarding Pierce?) and met Chris Bosh at the rim, where he dunked on him AND kneed him in the balls. Then on top of that, Pierce glared at Bosh while he was curled up on the ground and walked away without so much as a “You alright?” Cold … Question: Why is every news outlet making sure to tell us that Tiger Woods‘ car accident was “minor,” then they proceed to cover it like it’s the O.J. Simpson Bronco chase? Second question: Is anybody going to be surprised if it turns out that the real story is that Tiger and his wife were arguing, he tried to leave, she bashed out his SUV’s window with a golf club, and that’s why he pulled out of the driveway so fast that he ran into a fire hydrant and a tree? … We’re out like Rubio vs. Nash …

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