Random Acts Of /r/NBA: If LeBron Ate Three Big Macs A Day For A Season, Would He Still Make The Finals?


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I’m going to let everyone in on a little secret. A large portion of the awesome NBA content you read on the internet or consume on social media, was born on Reddit’s NBA subreddit, /r/NBA.

The user-generated content on /r/NBA ranges from seriously impressive statistical breakdowns from folks who have no interest in money or fame in return for their hours of incredible work, to hilarious posts that the excellent mod team tries to remove as quickly as possible, most of which I’m not ashamed to admit makes me laugh on a regular basis.

In all seriousness, though, /r/NBA is an essential tool for both covering the NBA as a member of the media, and consuming the NBA as a fan. Every highlight, every viral moment, every subtweet, every relevant Instagram like, it all finds its way on to /r/NBA thanks to the army of over 850,000 subscribers. It’s the single most important basketball page on the internet, and I don’t think that is really up for debate.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been lurking on /r/NBA and I found a comment or post that made my jaw drop, with my next reaction being, “More people need to see this.” I wanted an outlet to share Random Acts of /r/NBA, from my perspective, and Dime gave me that outlet.

What I’m trying to do here in Random Acts of /r/NBA is highlight some of the most impressive content and hilarious posts, because this stuff needs to be preserved somewhere. It needs and deserves documentation. Beyond all that, I want people to see what I see. Everyone deserves to know about the magic of /r/NBA.

It’s worth noting that this post has no affiliation with /r/NBA whatsoever, but I have multiple subscribed /r/NBA accounts, and I’m not giving those away. Also, if you find anything on /r/NBA that you think needs to be featured here, you can email me at tony.xypteras@uproxx.com, or direct message me on Twitter @TonyXypteras.

Unfortunately, I can’t peruse /r/NBA all day, so I would really appreciate your help. Besides, once those especially awful posts get removed, they are gone forever, so screengrabs would be wonderful. Ok, let’s dive into some of my recent favorites. As a warning, some of the language can be NSFW.

I think this is an excellent idea. Isaiah Thomas has the biggest chip on the smallest shoulder in the entire NBA. It’s what makes Thomas special, so I’m not complaining. I don’t want to change him, but he takes everything personally. He always feels like he has something to prove, and a sweet Tostitos commercial would be the perfect way for him to kill some time while he recovers from his hip injury. Besides, he’s got a stellar track record when it comes to food commercials.

As a lifelong Boston resident, few things make me happier than when outsiders get introduced to Tommy Heinsohn. Tommy is, without question, the worst color announcer in the entire NBA if you aren’t a Celtics fan. I mean that in the most loving way possible, to be clear, because while he’s bad, he’s also irreplaceable and fantastic. You just aren’t going to get this kind of commentary from anyone else, I can promise you that.

Can anyone help this guy out? I cannot immediately think of an example where all five players on the court for one team had headbands on, but surely its happened before? The Carmelo Anthony-era Denver Nuggets, maybe?

Am I crazy in thinking that this won’t even be close, and the six average G-League players would crush the five average NBA players? You can just do so many different things with an extra player. You’ll have a designated cherry-picker on offense if you don’t need the defensive help, and if you do need the defensive help, having a guy that can float around and help everyone seems like a pretty dramatic advantage.

In 2015, Coach Nick from Basketball Breakdown crunched some numbers to determine who the most average players at each NBA position were. He came up with Jordan Clarkson at point guard, O.J. Mayo at shooting guard, Danillo Gallinari at small forward, Quincy Acy at power forward, and Derrick Favors at center. Remember, these are the 2015 versions of those players. I think 6 G-Leaguers could beat that team.

This is just a really, really good idea that I’m more than happy to pass along to the masses. Do it, KD.

For as great as LeBron James is, no, I don’t think he could reach another NBA Finals if he was fueled exclusively by three Big Macs and three large fries every single day for an entire season. I have no science to back up that claim, of course, but I’ve seen Morgan Spurlock’s Super Size Me more than once. That much fast food, specifically when you’re coming off of whatever LeBron’s strict diet is right now, can really mess you up.

For those unfamiliar, Spurlock ate nothing but McDonald’s for 30 days. In those 30 days, he gained 25 pounds, his liver was in bad shape, he was severely depressed, and his doctor told him his body was reacting to the sudden increase in McDonald’s intake like someone would if they were suffering from severe binge alcoholism.

Of course, LeBron would keep himself in much better physical shape than Spurlock did, but regardless, those symptoms started after just 30 days. Imagine what LeBron would look like after an entire season?

Don’t get me wrong, though. I’d love to see him try it.

I really like this hypothetical, and I think Reddit user CheckitMiles is on the right track. I’ll use my beloved Sacramento Kings as an example. As of October 26, they’re starting George Hill, Buddy Hield, Justin Jackson, Zach Randolph, and Kosta Koufos. It’s been a rough start for that unit. They need something a little more dynamic offensively. Someone who can push the ball. Someone who can get them easy buckets.

I think the smart play would be to add a guy like De’Aaron Fox as the sixth starter, with the role being my newly invented term Outlet Guard. You’d park him out on the perimeter defensively, and he’d run wide receiver routes after every rebound looking for outlet opportunities and a chance for easy buckets.

I’m assuming every team would use that sixth starter in a similar role because if you’re trying to run half court sets with a sixth player, all your spacing is going to die. You’d be better off keeping that guy around halfcourt as a transition stopper, and a transition bucket getter. Fox would crush in that role.

This is a horrible idea, by the way, but I’ve spent plenty of time thinking about dumber things.

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