He’s a defensive player now known not for his quick feet but for unrelenting strength. He goes by nicknames like “Tru Warier” and “Queensbridge” and possibly real names like Metta World Peace. The last thing anyone wants to see Ron Artest do on the basketball floor is dance, yet here he is, about to start dancing on national television.
Not exactly the pedigree for “Dancing With The Stars.” But it appears the rumors surrounding Artest are true: he will be announced as a participant in the ABC show’s 13th season. TerezOwens.com and Charged.fm are both reporting that a source close to the Laker forward confirmed Artest’s intentions. With a likely lockout extending into the fall and winter, one of the NBA’s wildest acts is free to dance his heart out.
But is he the NBA player you would most want to see on the show? It’s hard to say. He could become the greatest dancing athlete on the show, but I think even if he does struggle, he would go down in flames rather hilariously. If anyone will draw viewers to the show, it’s Artest. Plus, if Emmitt Smith can win it all, so can Ron.
Still, there are a few players I think I would rather see:
–Gilbert Arenas? He could live tweet his rehearsals and practices.
–Dwight Howard/Shaquille O’Neal? I think it’s obvious they would revel in the chance to impress people.
–John Wall? The Dougie-dropping rookie would need to show some versatility
–Zaza Pachulia? All signs point to him being a big overachiever in this competition.
–Mike Miller? Could he possibly reverse this terrible trend?
What about a few guys who would fall flat on their face in that show, metaphorically-speaking:
–Tim Duncan? What would it take to get him to do this?
–Mehmet Okur? I just don’t see it.
–Shane Battier? He’d either be really good or really bad.
–Joakim Noah? He seems like the type of guy to go absolutely nuts on a club’s dance floor on a Saturday night, but in this setting? He might do something like this.
–Chris Duhon? Because we needed a little guy.
It’s hard to say exactly what I want to see. Do we really aim to have the best dancers? Doesn’t it make the show 1,000 times more watchable if we get more Mark Madsens and Clyde Drexlers?
For example, on Friday night I found myself in a bar being sucked into the grasp of a vulture (or older woman). She locked in with those prey sensors and wasn’t going to let me go once she surprised me (there was nothing willingly done on my part). Suddenly, I felt all eyes on me. It didn’t matter that people in differing states of “wild” surrounded me. They wanted to see some smashed older lady putting a significantly younger guy (myself) in extreme discomfort.
She looked exactly like Anna Faris from the Scary Movie series, except add on 15-20 years and 30-35 pounds of old woman. It was one of those times where you want to get away, are clamoring to get away, trying to find some out, but she’s so drunk you’re not sure if she will fall backwards and pass out, or worse yet break her nose if you let go (she was swinging uncontrollably and holding on at times for dear life). Don’t ask me how I got there. I went to see some friends, found out they were already six or seven shots and two hours of drinking deep, and suddenly I found myself in a whirlwind (not exactly the most comfortable situation when you’re stone-cold sober). I will spear you the rest of the details; just know that people inevitably want to laugh (and watch) at others for the way they dance.
At this point in his career, Artest may play basketball a little “blocky” (no other way to describe it), but I think he has a sufficient level of crazy to either do well on the show, or screw up trying as hard as he possibly can. Either way, I think the viewers win.
Artest should hear his name called tonight during ABC’s “The Bachelor Pad” when they announce the contestants and the new season will start three weeks from tonight on September 19.
Who would you most want to see on the show? Who would you least want to see on the show?
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