In House of the Dragon’s second episode of season two, the Targaryen siblings are still fighting amongst themselves for Westeros’ most uncomfortable-looking chair. The good news? Some new players have landed on the leader board as power shifts within the Red Keep and at Dragonstone. The bad news? Criston Cole is still here, surviving and thriving his way closer to the throne.
This is the HotD Leaderboard and these are the standings.
Criston Cole
Criston Cole is the definition of failing up. He’s absolutely terrible at his job, to the point that children are murdered on his watch, and yet, somehow, he’s risen through the ranks to be the king’s right hand. Sure, said king is a drunkard with an underdeveloped brain, but still. How do you go from being blamed for the beheading of a child to a promotion at work, all within one episode? There’s fuckery afoot here.
Aegon Targaryen
Aegon Targaryen is sad. Like smashing your dad’s collection of miniature figurines and screaming for war, sad. And his grief is pushing him to do all sorts of bizarre things, like stringing up the Red Keep’s ratcatchers on the city’s walls and demoting his grandfather in favor of a Kingsguard who spends most of his time on his back, underneath Aegon’s mom. But, he’s got that crown, so really, who’s gonna tell him?
Rhaenyra Targaryen
Rhaenyra was forced to make some difficult choices in episode two and most of those centered on her chaos-causing husband. It might’ve been easier to forgive Daemon his mistake and turn her nephew’s death into fodder she could use to fuel her war, but instead, Rhaenyra put the realm before her own personal gain. Daemon may love her, but he loves power and the leave to act with impunity more. The best decision she could’ve made was to send him packing. Sometimes, one must girlboss on one’s own.
Alicent Hightower
Someone please tell Alicent Hightower that illicit orgasms do not equate child murder because the repressed dowager queen is really blowing her affair with Criston Cole out of proportion at this point. If the bumpin’ is so good that he forgets he has work, that’s on him hun. But, for all her handwringing over sin and scandal, Alicent is still making some shrewd power moves this episode, using the death of her grandson to end a war before it can begin, and wielding her son’s grief against him. She’s still playing by men’s rules, but she’s got her own piece on the board this time.
Larys Strong
Exactly how did Larys Strong find Daemon’s Gold Cloak so quickly? And why was the ratcatcher able to escape his grasp? The bigger question of who Larys is really working for – spoiler, it’s himself – is what makes him so unpredictable, and powerful. When a man’s only weakness is feet, his enemies should be afraid.
Helaena Targaryen
Helaena Targaryen has never done anything wrong in her life. We know this, and we love her. Unfortunately, her family can’t say the same. Instead, they force her to become a spectacle, turning her grief into a dark, ugly thing to fuel their own agendas. Helaena, you deserve better.
Aemond Targaryen
Westeros’ one-eyed prince doesn’t have much to do this episode except flaunt his mommy kink in our faces and giggle over how obsessed his uncle is with him. We always knew Aemond was different, but the boy is straight-up deranged at this point, preferring to be swaddled like a baby by a sex worker who looks a bit like his own mum while he whines about how unfair his life is. A bit of Prozac would do this guy wonders.
Daemon Targaryen
He just wanted to do a bit of murder in his wife’s name and now, one dead child later, Daemon Targaryen has been kicked out of Dragonstone and set on a path that will probably lead to his downfall. Daemon may want power, but he’s clearly not suited to it. He may crave freedom, but he’s also enjoyed living that male-wife life for a while now. In other words, Daemon Targaryen is in the midst of a mid-life crisis except, instead of a corvette he’s got a dragon, and instead of getting a haircut he wants to cut down all of his enemies.
Otto Hightower
The most bleak, ironic bit about Otto Hightower’s sacking in episode two is when he realizes that he betrayed his best friend – a man who was actually good at the role he schemed so hard to put Aegon in – for nothing. He had it all, he served a noble king, he tasted power, and like a greedy idiot, he wanted more. It’s only right that his douchebaguette of a grandson is the one to strip him of all his influence and accomplishments in the end.
