Senior Editor
03.12.09 47 Comments

Catch the greased-up deaf guy: Ur doin it wrong.

The cool thing about actors talking politics is that the right-wing ones are usually just as stupid and gullible as the left-wing ones. Chuck Norris went on Glenn Beck recently to compare pasty, oatmeal-like skin and to joke about running for president of Texas.  You know, if that office existed.  Chuck writes:

That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for president of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state [Oh snap! You go girl!].  From the East Coast to the “Left Coast,” [Double snap!] America seems to be moving further and further from its founders’ vision and government.

George Washington advised, “The great rule of conduct in regard to foreign nations is in extending our commercial relations [and] having with them as little political connection as possible.” Yet the Obama administration just pledged $900 million in U.S. taxpayer-funded aid to Hamas-controlled Gaza and Mahmoud Abbas’ Palestinian Authority. [Unlike any other U.S. presidents, who would never give money to Israel or anything like that…]

When I appeared on Glenn Beck’s radio show, he told me that someone had asked him, “Do you really believe that there is going to be trouble in the future?” And he answered, “If this country starts to spiral out of control and Mexico melts down or whatever, if it really starts to spiral out of control, before America allows a country to become a totalitarian country (which it would have under I think the Republicans as well in this situation; they were taking us to the same place, just slower), Americans won’t stand for it. There will be parts of the country that will rise up.” Then Glenn asked me and his listening audience, “And where’s that going to come from?” He answered his own question, “Texas, it’s going to come from Texas. Do you agree with that Chuck?” I replied, “Oh yeah!” Definitely.  [WorldNetDaily]

Texas threatening to secede is like the fat girl you slept with saying, “If I walk out this door, I’m not coming back.”  You promise?  Just let me know if I need to grease up the door frame.  And take Paltrow and all those dipsh-ts who promised to move to Europe during the Bush years with you.  Or better yet, how bout you just build a big ranch and you can name it Narnia and you can declare yourself Prime Magician and invite all your friends to live there while Gary Busey runs around in a loin cloth hunting coyotes.  Or maybe just don’t alert the media every time a thought goes through your empty head.

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