Senior Editor
01.14.10 39 Comments

I brought you the Avatar-fanatics-are-depressed story last week, only to see the mainstream news people jump all over it this week.  Next thing you know, they’re all going to be wearing dog-fur-covered sweatpants, those style biters.  But I’m not mad, because it turns out their crappy coverage (“Joining me here in the studio is Cheryl Sugartits, an expert at reading a computer…”) is just as ripe for ridicule as the Avatards themselves.  Some of the highlights:

HOST MIKE GALANOS: “Is the 3D effect make it that much greater?  Make it that much more enticing and appealing?”

“EXPERT”: “Absolutely. I think you put on these glasses, and James Cameron’s CGI effects are so good, that you’re actually transported onto the planet Pandora. [Ed. note: not actually] And when people take off the glasses, there’s a disconnect, and that’s what’s making people more depressed.” […] “A lot of these people are lonely to begin with.”

CALLER: “All I gotta say is, as a society, it comes down to where, if you see a movie, and after it’s over it’s gonna make you depressed or suicidal?  You need to re-evaluate what’s important in life to you.”

HOST:  “Hm.  Wow.  Straight talk from Mike in Missouri.”

Hm.  Yes.  Wow.  Powerful stuff.  And just when you thought the powerful straight talk couldn’t get powerfuller, POW!  It’s an info graphic full of irrelevant factlets, rendered in glorious misspellovision.

Ahh, they visited “rain forrests” for “reseach,” did they?  Tell us, HLN, did the Forrests speak of sideways rain?  Little bitty sting-ing rain?  Big ol’ fat rain?  I eagerly await your response. And please, deliver it in the form of a hologram.

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