02.23.10 9 years ago 22 Comments

ACTUAL PLOT: Danny Glover plays Captain Ahab opposite Vinnie Jones in a retelling of Moby Dick in which the white whale is a dragon. (*Air guitar*)  Seriously though, that’s the plot of the $5 million-budgeted Dragon Fire, and the best part is, we learn all of this through a local TV news report from adorable Utah.  I’ve prepared a rough transcript:

VOICE OVER: “The lights and cameras are shining in Provo this week as cast and crew work on what they hope will be the next box office-smash.  Writers and producers are taking the American classic Moby Dick and putting a fantasy twist to it.”

FRENCH PRODUCER IN A HAMMOCK: “Well, eet’s Moby Dick… weess dragons.”

DANNY GLOVER: “We all know a moral dilemma Moby Dick mumble mumble I seem drunk.

VOICE OVER: Blah blah blah, Danny Glover’s been to Utah before, “But most remember him from the Lethal Weapon movies.”

DANNY GLOVER: Mumble mumble *hiccup* mumble mumble

VOICE OVER:  “But it’s ultimately moviegoers who will decide if dragons does indeed make this timeless classic  more exciting.”

Interesting stuff, John.  Coming up at the top of the hour, the US death toll in Afghanistan passes 1,000 and Sally Roberson of Lehi teaches us how to make lawn sculptures out of old kitty litter scoopings.  Stay tuned.

The Pulitzer race is over.  Meanwhile, if this sounds familiar, it’s because the Wanted director is already doing a “graphic-novel-style” retelling of Moby Dick for Universal. But as pa always said, you can never have too many Xtreme Moby Dicks.

[Thanks to /Film for finding this]

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