Senior Editor
11.30.07 82 Comments

Entertainment Weekly just released their list of the 50 Smartest People in Hollywood, and apparently sex with infants must make you smart, because number 14 on their list is none other than JERRY BRUCKHEIMER.  You know, the outspoken Bush supporter who made a movie about a rapping kangaroo and decided that a story about pirates (those rum drinking, sword fighting, wench raping vagabonds) needed a ghost angle. 

Though he does have a BA in Psychology from Arizona. And an honorary Doctor of Fine Arts (unlike my Doctor of Fine Ass degree that I earned fair and square, bro).

"Smart" could mean many things. It encompasses books smarts and street smarts, financial genius and emotional intelligence. We weren’t interested in IQ. What mattered was the originality of each person’s thinking and the reach of their ideas beyond the borders of their own careers. 

It can mean many things, can it?  Is "worthy of a severe beating" one of them?  I’ll give him street smarts, since he can can find the underage prostitutes in any third world country within a matter of minutes, but WAIT A SECOND DID YOU SAY ORIGINALITY OH MY GOD I JUST HAD AN ANEURYSM!

I can’t wait to see their list of the 50 Sexiest Ladies in Hollywood, starring this.  Oh, and if being rich makes you smart, then Paris Hilton is a fucking genius, so don’t even go there, girlfriend.

UPDATE: Evel Knieval dies whlle this monkey roams the streets, healthy as a horse.  R.I.P, you magnificent bastard.  

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