Well, folks, it’s come down to this. I’ve been training all year, squeezing stress balls and doing forearm curls to the beat of Eye of the Tiger, and finally it’s tonight. The Scream Awards on Spike. The Super Bowl of Dismissive Wanks. In between finding out which studios paid Spike the most money and Olivia Munn shooting pyrotechnics out of her cooter, we’ll get to see the new trailer for Scream 4, which is apparently still Scre4m. In the trailer, new Scream expository dialogue guys Rory Culkin and Erik Knudsen explain to us the rules of the modern horror movie, which are themselves a parody of old horror movie rules, which the original Scream parodied. The new movie, which is itself a parody, promises to parody those new rules, which are themselves parodies, as well as being a worthy parody of the original Scream, which was of course a parody. (*BRAAAAAAAAAHM*) Sorry, that wasn’t the Inception foghorn of meta-ness, I just farted.
It stars David Arquette, Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, Alison Brie, Adam Brody, Kristen Bell, Anna Paquin, and a bunch of other people. Is one of them Anthony Anderson? You god d*mned well better believe one of them is motherf*cking Anthony Anderson. I cannot wait for Scre4m, which I will carefully pronounce, “Scree-forum”.