Senior Editor
02.25.10 24 Comments

HitFix recently did an interview with Kevin Smith, who once again proves himself the most compelling interview in the business, even when his movie kinda looks like a pile of ass.  I urge you to read the whole thing because he’s great, but here are some interesting scraps:

I also thought, like, man, if I made this movie and my father was alive, my father would have been like, ‘Oh, you do make movies for a living,’ because all the other sh** I used to do, he would never quite understand. He was like, ‘Is that really a movie? Does it count as a movie if you just talk about other people’s movies, Kevin?’ And I’d be like, it does now, Dad In The ‘90s.  So this, he’d see this, and he’d be like, ‘Bruce Willis, a plot, there are guns… that’s a movie, Kevin. You are a filmmaker.’ And it appealed to me on a sentimental level because he’d taken me to see all those flicks. “Lethal Weapon”, “48 Hours” all that sh**.”

“I feel complex about the whole thing because I’m like, should I be so proud of myself for fighting so hard to be what essentially is an average looking film? Like, it finally looks like the average movie looks. For years my sh*t didn’t look like average movies.

“[But] I was a director on ‘Cop Out.’ I came in, I had a script and I was like, O.K., this is how we execute this and there’s visual components and whatnot. Mapped it out, had storyboards, sh*t like that. The other movies, they weren’t films, they weren’t movies. They were just me ripping open my chest, pulling out fatty chunks of my heart, slapping it between two platters, projecting it and being like, what do you think? And that’s not cinema. That’s blog-esque cinema…

Yet again I want to hug him for being so damned engaging and honest as a person, and then shake him for probably making another crappy movie.  As it turns out, a very similar thought process was behind WB offering him the movie in the first place:

“Me and [Warner President] Jeff Robinov were bitter enemies for a while and sh*t like that. I’d make fun of him and call him a bald clock puncher. And I was persona non grata at Warner Brothers because we had a horrible meeting once — really really bad and sh**.

I swear on my life I’d already written the headline and the whole beginning of this post before I realized he’d said “clock puncher” and not “cock puncher,” but I’m leaving it because I like it better this way.  And honestly, isn’t it pretty easy to imagine Kevin Smith calling him a bald cock puncher?

“So years later he saw me, I was at San Diego Comic-Con, the year that I was there before ‘Zack & Miri [Make a Porno]’ came out. So this year there was a panel with a bunch of directors on it and there was me and Zack Snyder and Frank Miller and Judd Apatow. And I was nervous as hell because this was following the summer of Apatow… yeah Apatow took what I did and made it very, very profitable. You know?  And very, very funny to other people beyond just my friends I guess… But I was like, this is my room…

“So I went up and I just killed. I was on fire and whatnot. Jeff Robinov was in the audience because Zack Snyder was on the base for ‘Watchman.’ And I guess Jeff Robinov thought I was funny and asked them to send Kevin in. And I was, I’m not meeting with that dude. I had the worst meeting ever with that f***ing dude. So Snyder’s like, ‘Well, he wants to talk to you.’ I went in and talked to him. 

“The first thing he said, he goes, ‘You know what man? Somebody asked me the other day what do I want to do when I retire, and I said I’m going to produce your talk show.’”

There’s lots more to the interview, which I urge you again to read, but the sad truth of it is, I’d much rather watch a Kevin Smith talk show than Cop Out.  In related news, Cop Out will be actually be called Bald Cock Puncher in Japan.  Bruce Willis is Bald, Tracy Morgan is Cock Puncher, like Tango & Cash.

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