Here’s A Sneak Peek At The New CGI Ninja Turtles And Boy Do They Look Weird

UPDATE: Full Trailer Now Available

The Michael Bay-produced Ninja Turtles reboot has been a source of controversy almost from the beginning. First it was rumored the turtles would be “edgy, lovable aliens” this time, prompting Cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch to demand Michael Bay stop raping them (weirdest sentence ever?). Then the release got pushed back from December 2013 to June 2014, and then from June to August, there were leaked scripts and rumors of a new origin story, and blah blah blah. People care so much that it’s almost as if they think a movie produced by Michael Bay and directed by the guy who did Battle: Los Angeles and Wrath of the Titans has a chance of being good. Nonetheless, the only thing that matters is what actually makes it on screen, and now we have a small taste.

We see Megan Fox as April O’Neil, in a film that also stars Will Arnett, Whoopi Goldberg, and William Fichtner. Is it just me, or do the new Ninja Turtles sort of look like big green Sloths from Goonies? CGI might be the worst thing that’s ever happened to movies.

“Heroes are not born, they’re created. That’s what your father and I were trying to do: create heroes.”

So April O’Neil’s father created the Ninja Turtles in this? Honestly, I don’t know if that’s canon or non-canon, and I don’t really care because I’m a grown adult. All I know is that if someone’s going to be explaining plot points, it should always be William Fichtner. I want William Fichtner to give my parents’ eulogies.