Senior Editor
01.25.10 22 Comments

(Pictured: How most Fox execs dress to board meetings.)

You’d think that after they got a respected director like Tim Burton and an all-star cast to remake Planet of the Apes once already and it still ending up kinda sucking, that they’d be content to let sleeping classics lie.  But this is Hollywood, so Fox is digging up its corpse for sexy time, as per usual.

The Apes have been handed to none other than Peter Chernin, who last summer exited his post as top banana of News Corporation (*throws poop*) to become a producer at Fox.
Fox has hired writer Jamie Moss (Street Kings) to rework Scott Frank’s version and the original writers, Rick Jaffa and Amanda Silver (The Relic, The Hand that Rocks the Cradle), were recently brought back to polish the dialogue.
Frank’s Apes script, code-named Caesar, showed how genetic experiments on apes led to their evolutionary eclipse of humans. “Caesar” refers to the genetically altered leader of the simian rebellion, so dubbed because the ape was capable of grand strategic thinking on par with Julius Caesar (whose own surname means “hairy” in Latin). The “Caesar” code name also foreshadowed the script’s plot: Just as the actual Julius Caesar set Rome on the path to the Roman Empire, the experimental ape’s escape sets in motion his fellow hirsute hominids’ (wait for it … ) guerrilla war and subsequent dominance. [via Vulture’s Exclusive]

I suppose that doesn’t sound too bad, as far as remakes go.  But then, it’s Fox, so they’ll probably cast a Black Eyed Pea or two in it.  Reached for comment, original Apes star Charleton Heston shouted, “A reboot?!?  OVER MY COLD, DEAD HAN– oh right, carry on then.”

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