SEAL Team 6 to be portrayed by… Cam Gigandet and Xzibit

On May 1st, SEAL Team 6 famously dropped into Pakistan, shot Osama, and left before anyone there even knew what was going on like total badasses, which I celebrated by putting on my stars and stripes speedo and shooting pistols in the air like Yosemite Sam while playing My Country ‘Tis of Thee on the Jew’s Harp. Operation Neptune Spear in Abbottobad seemed like a slam dunk for a movie adaptation, which is why people were scrambling to put one together pretty much literally the day after it happened. Apparently they scrambled too fast, because now it has Cam Gigandet in it.

Anson Mount, Cam Gigandet, Freddy Rodriguez and Bill Fichtner round out of the cast of “Code Name: Geronimo,” John Stockwell’s [Turistas, Blue Crush] actioner about Osama bin Laden’s killing.
Mount stars as an agile and assured member [hee hee, ‘agile member’!] of SEAL Team Six. Kathleen Robertson is portraying an eager CIA case officer dedicated to her job. Geronimo was the code name for the operation that sent two teams of Navy SEALs into Pakistan to hunt and kill bin Laden.

Here’s the explanation for the contradictory operation names, in case you’re interested.

Shooting began this week in New Mexico.
Others cast as SEALS are Robert Knepper, Xzibit and Kenneth Miller while Fichtner, Robertson and Eddie Kaye Thomas are playing the CIA officers. [variety]

This is yet another sad attempt by liberal Hollywood to minimize the awesomeness of shooting a terrorist in the face by casting a dog-faced gollum as one of the heroes. You wouldn’t cast that big-toothed kid from Super 8 as Martin Luther King, would you? No. This is terrible. Cam Gigandet should only be allowed to play the villain in breakdance movies.

Meanwhile, reached for comment, Xzibit said, “Yo, dawg, we should cast Seal as a SEAL so we can croon while we platoon. We can compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey while we helicopter into Pakistan on raid. We ain’t never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy.”

[thanks to Seal superfans Burnsy, Ufford, and Robopanda for the rhyming help]