06.15.09 9 years ago 20 Comments

(This is what Transformers whack off to)

As you can tell by Megan Fox’s nipples, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen premiered in the UK, and the first reviews are beginning to hit the web.  I point this out not because giant robots punching each other needs the critical eye, but because apparently the movie features actual robo-testicles.

A notable moment occurs during the dementedly frenetic final act of Transformers 2. A robot-on-robot fracas is unfolding around Egypt’s Giza Necropolis, with Devastator, an especially massive mechanoid comprised of several construction vehicles, set on clawing its way to the peak of a pyramid. As it lumbers up the dusty colossus, a shot tilts up to its mid-section, revealing two wrecking balls dangling down. Yes, Michael Bay, the man who brought us cyber-micturition [that means pissing -Ed.] in this movie’s predecessor, has one-upped himself: Decepticon testicles. […]
Dogs hump each other, robots hump human legs and the camera spends so much time ogling Megan Fox’s torso you start to wonder if it’s being operated by a 13 year-old boy. There are now 42 robots, including one that looks like a jaguar, one that can turn into ball bearings to access high-security areas and one in the form of a Dyson vacuum cleaner. [Empire Online]

When Michael Bay told execs he wanted the sequel to be like the first, “but with bigger balls!”, they thought he was being metaphorical.  But Michael Bay doesn’t use metaphors, he uses C4.  “C4 is the bomb,” said Bay.

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