A couple weeks ago on the Frotcast, we held our Fantasy Summer Box Office Draft. I chose The Raven as my bomb pick, for which we count budget minus opening weekend gross (domestic box office). I wasn’t feeling that confident about my choice, if only because the budget was only $26 million. I’m still not feeling that confident about it (especially compared to $200 million-plus movies like Battleship). But luckily for me, The Raven still managed to suck-ceed all suckpectations. (Sorry, the other critics stole all the good Raven puns). Even on a crappy weekend, it managed to make less than any of the other new releases, including that Jason Statham movie with the little Asian girl. “Oi, she’w come wiv me if she wants to live, now won’ she, Tommy.”
The Raven came in last place among the newcomers with an estimated $7.25 million. It opened lower than nearly all comparable movies, including director James McTeigue’s V for Vendetta ($23.1 million) and 2001’s period serial killer movie From Hell ($11 million).
I love the idea that there are “comparable” movies. Why not Identity? That also looked like it had been written by Charlie Kaufman’s retarded brother from Adaptation, or 1408, another crappy thriller starring John Cusack? Which brings me to my next point, John Cusack has been in a lot of crappy movies.
Think Like a Man fell 47 percent to an estimated $18 million. Through ten days in theaters, the movie has already made $60.9 million, which makes it the highest-grossing movie from April 2012 ahead of Titanic 3D ($56.3 million).
Poor James Cameron may have to switch to bundles fifties for toilet paper. God help him if he gets down to twenties, those make him chafe.
Based on Sunday estimates, The Pirates! Band of Misfits was the highest-grossing movie among the new releases, though that isn’t really saying much—the stop-motion animation flick claimed second place with a meager estimated $11.4 million. Considering Aardman’s best opening ever is a paltry $18.8 million for Flushed Away, The Pirates! never really had a chance at becoming a major animated hit. It didn’t help that outside of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, pirates haven’t been remotely successful at the box office. Animated pirate movies in particular have a terrible track record: Treasure Planet is the top opener with $12.1 million, while Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas is a notorious debacle for DreamWorks Animation with a terrible $6.9 million debut. [BoxOfficeMojo]
It’s amazing the tiny boxes you can fit movies into and still have enough “comparable titles” to rank them against. “Sure the numbers look bad now, but compared to other female-driven, period, proto rom-dramedies adapted from board games with an alien element, it’s easily good enough for sixth or seventh all time.”
This week’s lesson: If you’ve got an animated pirates movie in the works, make at least one of the pirates a black guy who gives corny relationship advice.