Senior Editor
11.15.09 58 Comments

This week, I’m giving away The Open Road, starring Justin Timberlake and Jeff Bridges. As always, nominate for next week’s comments of the week in the comments section of this post.

In this heartwarming comedy, minor leaguer Carlton Garrett (Justin Timberlake) takes an unexpected road trip to track down his estranged father, legendary baseball player Kyle Garrett (Jeff Bridges) when Carlton’s mother (Mary Steenburgen) becomes sick. Knowing his charming yet painfully immature dad’s likelihood to disappoint, Carlton enlists his on-again-off-again girlfriend Lucy (Kate Mara) for emotional support. Once reunited, Carlton struggles to deal with the series of misadventures caused by his father’s antics, including missed flights, car trouble and bathroom brawls. Years of miscommunication, frustration and comically awkward attempts at bonding come to a head as the mismatched trio make their way from Ohio back home to Houston to reunite the family.

Justin Timberlake and Jeff Bridges?  I smell hijinks!  Anyway, here’s your winner:

(From the AP Can’t Tell Twilight Douches Apart Either):
GlennBeckHasAIDS says: If I was Robert Pattinson I’d say totally inappropriate shit just to see if the Twilight fans would keep screaming for me anyway. “THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT YA C-NTS!!!! I’D LOVE TO RAPE ALL OF YOU IN THE MOUTH!!!”

And it was more his second comment on the same post that did it for me:

And if I was Cam Gigandet I’d take a loaded revolver and blow my brains out in front of everyone.

I know it was deadpan, but for some reason I couldn’t stop laughing at that.  Here are the rest of the noteworthy-but-not-DVD-winning comments:

(From Sex & the City & Vampires)
[About Sarah Jessica Parker being a vampire] Chareth Cutestory says: It’s the only conceivable way she’d get wood driven into her.

(from Will Smith to go full retard)
Chino Moreno says: I whistled for a short bus and when it came near, I licked all the windows and even the mirror.

(From DMX replaced by Coolio in MMA fight)
ATidyLittleSum says: “Thats the first time DMX has ever pulled out of anything”, said nine of DMX’s Baby’s Mommas.

(From Harrison Ford cures little girl’s heart problems)
Stone Soup says: Harrison Ford is a scientist working on a hail mary experimental miracle cure
I will pay double to see the movie if the scene literally depicts Harrison lobbing a syringe across a football field and injecting the girl half a second before she dies.  Literally.

(From Date Night trailer)
Jacktion! says: The sequel to this movie will have a twist ending. Date Night Shyamalan.

(From trailer for Leap Year)
Burnsy says: More like SLEEP YEAR!  *fart noise, bowtie spins, Cutler throws another pick*

(From Grown Ups trailer/Get it? Kevin James is fat)
Burnsy says: Chris Farley is wobbling like a turtle in his grave.

ATidyLittleSum says:
Kevin James: Rope on a tree baby! The class is in session.
Spade(Turns to camera): Great, I’m here with Spanglish, CB4, Blart, and Bigalow, when I could be a douche at home with my DirecTV … But no, I’m stuck making a marginally funny movie with(points at Kevin James falling down a cliff).
Spade: Man, don’t you wish I was the one that died?

I like David Spade, but that was still funny.  Well done all.

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