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Dammit, Hollywood. This is why no one wants to encourage you. Piranha 3D gets decent reviews and does middling box office ($10 million on a $24 million production budget so far, number six at the box office), and you’re already making official sequel announcements. IT’S BEEN OUT FOR LESS THAN A WEEK. What the hell is wrong with you people?
Dimension Films is pleased to announce that PIRANHA 3D – THE SEQUEL is in the works. PIRANHA 3D producer Mark Canton stated, “We are thrilled that audiences are not just loving PIRANHA 3D, but cheering for it. And it’s fantastic that so many critics are really getting the movie and recommending it. We can’t wait to get to work on the sequel.” [from Dimension’s press release]
I really hope this is just a clever publicity stunt to get people talking about Piranha 3D by having people like me bitch about it, because seriously? It’s Piranha 3D. It was already a remake. Now you have to rehash it again? Why not just make Eel? Or Mega Trout? Or Banana Fish? The formula is people dying + tits, you didn’t discover cold fusion. You could call it Juggalo Baby Funeral as long as Kelly Brook gets motorboated by a porn star in the trailer. Anyway, I can’t wait for the eventual Piranha reboot, based on the popular board game, spawned by the animated series, based on the video game, based on the 3D remake of 1978’s Piranha, based on DW Griffith’s original “Piranna!” from 1917. (The piranna were said to be a metaphor for the rise of uppityness in blacks).
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You could call it Juggalo Baby Funeral as long as Kelly Brook gets motorboated by a porn star in the trailer.
Yeah, but then she’d have clown makeup all over her tits.
*boner bursts through hole of boxer shorts, glares at me*
Upon further review, I retract my objection.
The Mighty Feklahr feels if you watch “Phatties, Rhymes, and Dimes 14” in 3D and see “Chippy D’s” ass, it’s like watching a piranha gore movie!
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Sequel title: Piranha 3d 2: Step up 2 da Reefs!
(Of course starring homeslice C-Tates)
PASSERSBY WERE AMAZED AT THE AMOUNTS OF
SEMENBLOOD.Is it Faux Lesbianism Day on FD?
Because it’s apparently my day to be a cranky buzzkill.
Piranha 3D 2: The Spawning. C’mon Cameron, what’s the matter – Forget your roots?
Lince, you better find a pic of Ryan Reynolds topless juggling Corgi puppies…and fast!
‘Juggalo Baby Funeral’ would feature a lot of tits and even more boobs.
My favorite part of a Juggalo baby funeral is the dead juggalo.
Fek, my new goal in life is to become a photographer and make that happen.
They embalmed that baby with Faygo.
You’re welcome.
I would love to see a Jiggled Baby Funeral motorboat a Juggalo Baby Funeral.
Piranha 4D: This one’s gonna take some time
I’m going to eat one of Mama Gypsy’s space cakes and travel to the funeral by shooting rainbows out of my ass.
I believe cold fusion was discovered by Brett Ratner on the set of Rush Hour 3 when his ice cream sandwich fell into his Icee.
I drank 2 Four Lokos and saw this last night. It was fucking awesome. Can’t hate on a movie where piranhas eat a chick and her breast implants just float away. And pornstar Ashlynn Brooke’s death is straight out of Looney Tunes.
Also, Paul Scheer’s character’s ultimate fate will be debated for centuries since the movie ran out of fucking money near the end to give us an explanation.