FilmDrunk

Your Mid-Week Guide To DVD And Streaming: The Pig With The Froggy Tattoo

We’ve got an extra-large batch of movies hitting DVD this week, so there’s something for everyone.  Besides the two Oscar winners in the banner pic, there’s another Oscar nominated flick, a movie Vince hated, Asian kids killing each other, Rip Torn, one lucky elephant, Salma Hayek’s American movie debut, Edward Furlong, a fake Bruce Lee, naked Nazis, some clowns, and a few other gems to whet your appetite.

The DVDs:
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
The Muppets
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Carnage
The Sitter
Battle Royale
From Time To Time
A Lonely Place To Die
Telstar
National Lampoon’s The Legend Of Awesomest Maximus
Roadie
One Lucky Elephant
Roadracers
Pimp
Snow White: A Deadly Summer
This Is Not A Movie
Creature
The Dragon Lives Again
Frauleins In Uniform
Clown Hunt

Read on to find out about these new releases.  If you’re impatient, click here for some picks streaming on Netflix.
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

Vince’s B review was possibly the least favorable review I’ve read for this movie.  Having read the book and the first sequel, I wasn’t bothered by the final scene like Vince was.  What does bother me is that he gave The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button a better grade.  Strangely enough, it was the ending of Benjamin Button that ruined it for me.  To each their own.


The Muppets

Some people complained that this movie was made for those of us who grew up with the Muppets, and not for today’s kids.  Others complained that it pandered to youth culture and lost that classic Muppet charm.  To both factions I say: “F*ck you.  I loved it, my son loved it, and if you’d rather live in a world without new Muppet movies, I will find you and shove my fist up your ass.”  It’s the Muppet way.


Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Along with Dragon Tattoo, many people thought this was a more deserving choice for a Best Picture Oscar nomination than Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close or War Horse.  Of those films, I’ve only seen Dragon Tattoo, so I couldn’t say.  What I will say is that based on the title alone, I’m guessing the mole Gary Oldman’s trying to ferret out (mixed animal metaphor!) is probably the one codenamed ‘Spy’.


Carnage

Vince’s D+ review wasn’t kind to this movie.  He likens the film to ‘Maury for middle-aged intellectuals’ and guesses that most people under 45 won’t enjoy it.  Yes, it’s basically a filmed play which exists almost solely for the actors to chew scenery, but when those actors are John C. Reilly, Christoph Waltz, and Kate Winslet (sorry Jodie Foster, you lost me after Nell)  it will take more than a little Mancini bitch session to turn me off. [Vince’s Note: Come back when you see it and tell me what you think.]


The Sitter

The debate of our time:  Fat Jonah Hill vs. Less Fat Jonah Hill.  Which is better?  Can he still be funny without the quintuple chin?  Was he ever funny?  With 21 Jump Street getting good reviews, I’m hoping the great divide currently tearing our nation apart will soon come to an end.  In the meantime, this seems to be Jonah Hill at his fattest and most Jonah Hilliest.

Battle Royale

I’m sure it is no coincidence that this Japanese flick from 2000 is getting a spiffy new US DVD (and box set) the same week that The Hunger Games hits theaters.  Many people have accused The Hunger Games of being a rip off of this movie.  Any possible similarities aside, I’m betting money that no teenager in The Hunger Games pulls a squid out of her cooch and uses it to strangle her classmate.  I haven’t seen Battle Royale, but it is Japanese, so I’m just assuming it happens at some point.


From Time To Time

The creator of Downton Abbey wrote and directed this time travel/ghost story.  I haven’t seen Downton Abbey, but to me this looks just like it (but with, you know, ghosts and time traveling).  It even has the Dowager Countess from Downton Abbey.  If that isn’t enough trendy TV show references from shows I’ve never seen, it also has McNulty from The Wire.  Admit it; you’ll probably see this now.


A Lonely Place To Die

Melissa George stars in this Scottish thriller.  Based on the trailer, it looks fairly run-of-the-mill to me.  It kind of makes me ponder my life and values that I can watch a trailer for a movie about a little girl being left to die in a four foot by three foot hole and I’m left feeling indifferent.  Maybe I’d care more if the girl were blond or, I dunno, more American-looking somehow.


Telstar

What the f*ck is Kevin Spacey doing in this movie?  Oh, I see now.  It’s the true story about a flamboyantly gay music producer that rode the backs of young British men, aiding them in their efforts to gain fame and fortune as rock ‘n’ roll stars.  Carry on, then.


National Lampoon’s The Legend Of Awesomest Maximus

Fun fact, while “National Lampoon” used to be the mark of comedic gold with such films as National Lampoon’s Animal House and National Lampoon’s Vacation, the current iteration of the company is actually just a ponzi scheme.  That being said, this film does have some FilmDrunk approved talent (Rip Torn and Workaholics‘ Adam DeVine) and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t smirk at a joke or two in the trailer.  It’s got to be better than Seltzer & Friedberg’s Meet The Spartans, right?

Roadie

This one’s about a 40-ish dude who returns to his childhood neighborhood, telling everyone he is Blue Öyster Cult’s manager when in fact he’s their newly fired former roadie. I’ve seen this movie and I still don’t get it.  I understood what happened; I just don’t see what the point of the movie was.  For real, one of the major plot points was whether or not he would remember to pick up butter from the corner store so his mother could make him a sandwich.


One Lucky Elephant

Oprah’s documentary club (who knew?) presents this documentary about some old dude and his pet elephant.  This looks like the classic Simpsons episode “Bart Gets An Elephant” which aired almost 18 years ago. (March 31, 1994 and holy f*ck, I’m old.)  While she’s no Stampy, Flora still seems to be a great elephant, and I’m sure the ivory from her tusks would make a grand piano.


Roadracers

Robert Rodriguez directed this straight-to-Showtime flick in 1994 and it is finally making its DVD debut.  I don’t know what I find more fascinating: the box-art that shamelessly and erroneously makes this look like Sin City, or the VHS-era trailer that mistakes Salma Hayek (in her U.S. debut) as Canadian actress Helen Shaver.  Of course John Hawkes is in it, so it might be worth checking out.


Pimp

Ever wonder what Billy Boyd’s been up to?  He was the hobbit that wasn’t Elijah Wood, Sean Astin, or that dude from Lost.  At any rate, Boyd went from playing Pippin to co-starring in this average-to-bad looking British film that almost definitely is banking on getting viewers based on title curiosity alone.  That’s how I ended up seeing Pimps Up, Ho’s Down, and if possible, you should see it to.  That sh*t was fascinating.


Snow White: A Deadly Summer

God damn it, another one?  I guess this one is different in that it takes place in the present, but didn’t Amanda Bynes already make this movie?  Oh, I see.  This one is set in the present, but still edgy; the Amanda Bynes one was a comedy.  I wonder what Marcia Brady and Oscar nominee (!) Eric Roberts discussed on set.  I’m guessing how stupid his sister’s Snow White movie looks.  Seriously, Mirror Mirror looks sooooo bad.

This Is Not A Movie

Okay, this is kind of freaking me out.  I know I’ve heard of this before, and I know I’ve seen the trailer, but for the life of me, I can’t figure out where or when.  If there was a FilmDrunk post, I sure as hell can’t find it.  Anyhow, Edward Furlong stars in this crappy looking attempt at cross-genre meta-film making.  If you recognize co-star Edi Gathegi from the Twilight films, go f*ck yourself.


Creature

There’s plenty of earnest-but-awful looking horror flicks out today, and I’m featuring this one simply because it’s the only one to actually get a theatrical release in my area.  Today’s other choices include: Splintered, The Ritual, Resurrection County, Claustrofobia, Deliverance From Evil, Blood Guardian, Season In Hell: Evil Farmhouse Torture, and Jarring.


The Dragon Lives Again

This 1977 movie is about Bruce Lee fighting his way through hell, battling some of the most iconic pop culture figures from the era.  Who do you imagine Brandon Lee would fight in hell?  The smart money’s on Jonathan Brandis and Brad Renfro.  I’d say more, but the trailer sells it so well, I’ll just encourage you to watch it.



Frauleins In Uniform

Also known as She Devils Of The SS, this example of the Nazi sexploitation genre gets special attention from me for the obvious reasons. (I love poorly dubbed english!) Honestly though, there’s enough of these to qualify as a genre.  In fact, there’s even a sub-genre known as holocaust porn.  You’re welcome.  Other “classic” grindhouse features hitting DVD today include: Satan’s Slave, The Hills Have Eyes: Part 2, and Funeral Home.


Clown Hunt

This movie is exactly what you’d think it would be based on the box art and the title.  Admittedly, the concept is probably better suited to a short online video than a feature length film, but I have to give these people credit for committing themselves to the idea. Don’t let the trailer length dissuade you; halfway through this trailer ends and some other one begins.

With all the great choices coming out on DVD this week, only two of them are also streaming on Netflix. If you want to see Roadracers or This Is Not A Movie you’re in luck. Also, unless you are really eager to see The Tale Of Despereaux, there isn’t much worth mentioning that’s been newly added to the streaming list. Instead of new stuff, this week I’m making suggestions that tie-in to some of the new DVDs.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

You can’t stream David Fincher’s American version, so here’s the Swedish original.  If you really want to, you can even stream the entire extended edition trilogy.


The Game

It seems like a lot of people forget about this David Fincher movie.  It isn’t as dark as Se7en or Dragon Tattoo, but it’s pretty good, although a little silly.


Chinatown

Vince hated Roman Polanski’s Carnage; I bet he’d like this better. [Vince’s Note: Duh. This just in, I also liked Coppola’s Apocalypse Now better than Coppola’s Jack.] This is probably Polanski’s best film. (Rosemary’s Baby is a contender, I admit.)  If you haven’t seen it, watch it now and retroactively get 38 years worth of pop culture references.

National Lampoon’s Movie Madness

I haven’t seen this flick from the golden age of National Lampoon, but it can’t be much worse than Awesomest Maximus.  If nothing else, it has a 17-year old Diane Lane. Sure she was underage then, but she’s middle-aged now, so it’s all good, right?

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