This insane ‘My Little Pony’ resume is an awesome way to never get a job

If you have by some wonderful miracle managed to elude the Brony phenomenon until now, allow me to ruin your innocence forever by offering the following explanation: “Bronies” are grown-ass men obsessed with the cartoon series “My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic,” and judging by something called the “herd census” there may be millions of them living in the United States alone. Millions, I am not even kidding.

So what do the Bronies do? Well, lots of things, now that you ask. They dress up like “My Little Pony” characters, characters with names like Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. They create artwork depicting “My Little Pony” characters and share them on fan forums. They create pornographic artwork depicting “My Little Pony” characters and share them on fan forums. They attend conventions. They weird people out. They are your friends, your neighbors, your siblings, your classmates, and possibly even your people you leave your children with, and they refuse to be ashamed of what they love.

Now that the newly-traumatized among you have a good grasp of what a Brony is, I’d like to direct your attention to one particular Brony named Joseph. Joseph enjoys “getting everyone excited about computer science” and also writing in horse metaphors. Example:

“For a few months he dabbled in domestication, working for a startup in San Francisco…He spearheaded major projects, infrastructure upgrades and code cleaning frenzies while ensuring that thousands of hardworking ponies got quality, catered lunches of grains, oats and grasses every day! The daily plough just wasn’t for him though, so he threw off the bit and bridle and galloped back to [redacted].”

And oh my god, this is Joseph’s actual resume that will never, ever, get him a job, ever, unless of course he is applying for an IT manager position at BronyCon. In which case, consider him hired.

(via Jezebel)

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