Life

The Definitive Power Ranking Of The World’s Best Cereals

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Here in America, there’s nothing we love more than an arbitrary national holiday devoted to something that most people couldn’t care less about. But unlike Arbor Day — which we never got off for school, even though it was always on the calendar — there’s one national holiday that’s more important than Christmas, Presidents’ Day, and my birthday (April 2nd, if you were planning to buy me a present) combined. It’s National Cereal Day, and it’s happening today! That’s right: You could be celebrating cereal right now — by eating an entire family-sized box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch — and you didn’t even know it.

But we did. We knew it was National Cereal Day, and since it’s the perfect excuse to carbo-load like you never have before, we decided to take some time and rank the best breakfast cereals that our fair country has to offer (hey, it’s one of the few things we have left to be proud of).

Accept no substitution, this is the real and definitive list of cereals you should be chowing down on right now. Don’t have milk? No problem! Because every cereal mentioned in this line-up is delicious without it. And, because the comments opened our eyes wider than our mouths last year, we took your impassioned pleas into account when putting together this year’s ranking. After all, if there’s one thing that makes National Cereal Day special, it’s the fact that we can all come together and realize that sometimes we’re wrong about where we put Captain Crunch on the list. We get it: Taste trumps the fact that your mouth will look like it’s been torn to bloody shreds. Please stop emailing.

And now, without further ado:

17. Life

Light flavor, no gimmicks. You could also get the cinnamon variety, which added the little jolt of excitement your breakfast so desperately needed. “Why is such a boring cereal even making the list?” you might be asking yourself, and I have an answer: Because Life is versatile! You could mix it with other cereals when you didn’t have enough Crunch Berries (shudder) or Cinnamon Toast Crunch to last you a bowl and it wouldn’t overpower their flavor.

That’s an important wingcereal move that you’ve got to respect.

16. Kix

Not ideal, but better than Corn flakes (which are not on this list because f*ck Corn Flakes) or regular Cheerios (what are you, some kind of 50-year-old with a cholesterol problem?).

(Also Berry Berry Kix was amazing.)

15. Honey Bunches of Oats

Did you hate these when you were a kid? Probably. Were you wrong? Maybe. Why? Because aside from buzzwords like “almonds” and “fiber,” these little clusters were just delicious sugar balls that would keep you going for the rest of the day. And yet, no one would judge you for eating them daily. Not even now. If you popped ten boxes of this in your shopping cart today you still might be confused for someone cares (mildly) about her health.

14. Corn Pops

You had to have ‘em, you didn’t know why. You also didn’t know why they were so delicious or looked vaguely like Sloth from The Goonies or stuck together like they were bound with liquid cement.

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