It’s almost Christmas. Get ready for a scourge of holiday classics performed by “today’s hottest artists,” and ever-present reminders that now is the time to love, share, and embrace our communities by drinking our Starbucks sugar stew from festive cups. Of course the most important part of the holiday season is making sure to get the best presents at the cheapest prices so that the people you care about/ kinda-like/ are related to (ugh, aunt Judy) know that you didn’t forget.
On top of all those gifts, you also probably have a forced White Elephant exchange between co-workers to prepare for. This odd little tradition can lead to a wide range of emotions spanning from “Oh, okay this wasn’t so bad” to “If you thought my gift was sh*t why didn’t you come right out and say it to my face instead of sending a company-wide email about spending limits?” (Source: experience.)
We don’t want that to happen this year! So we’ve put together a guide of awesome things you can get on Amazon that will arrive just in time for that party with colleagues you only see socially once a year. Check it out! (And remember this fun tip: If none of the other gifts are good, you can always try to surreptitiously trade back for the present you brought and then keep it for yourself or return it for a full refund!) (Source: experience!)
Uranium Ore — $39.95
Take the party from boring to “Schrodinger’s idea of a good time!?” by introducing naturally-occurring radioactive elements to the gift pile. Work has a policy against potentially dangerous gifts? No problem, because this tiny bit of uranium isn’t meant to start a war — it’s meant to test geiger counters and do “nuclear experiments” (that’s according to its Amazon description). Plus it comes in a clearly marked package and complies to all “postal regulations,” which is all you can ask from your web-purchased uranium these days.
Just make sure you have appropriate expectations before you buy:
1500 Live Ladybugs (Approximately) — $19.00
Did you know that having a ladybug stop on your hand (or any other part of your body) is a sign of good luck? It is! And if having just one alight upon your person promises only a bit of good fortune, imagine what kind of magic 1500 (approximately) live insects shipped right to your door can do!
Know someone who’s trying to better their life and make 2017 “their year”? Then cross your fingers that they pick this small (but very important) present when their turn comes. Watch their lives transform as over a thousand aphid-eaters swarm them — provided the bugs did not die in transit and the recipient follows all directions before releasing them out into the world.