There’s bad news: It’s likely that you — completely unintentionally of course — have been an asshole on the internet. People were probably mad at you. Even people you know in real life. Hey, it’s not your fault (well it is, but this is a judgement-free zone); everyone makes mistakes. What’s important is that you learn from those mistakes and do better in the future. Much, much better. And to make doing better easier, we’ve come up with a handy list of tips (print them out, put them on the fridge) that will make navigating internet etiquette even easier!
Don’t Be A Hypocrite
The reality is that we don’t always play by our own rules. Often because the rules we have made are crazy as hell. But, you can’t trot that out on social media and not expect to get called out by everyone who catches it. And, new people will constantly be stumbling on it and catching it, so prepare for a lifetime of being called out.
For example, the tag #ShirtlessShamers2016 brings up image after shirtless image of men alongside their comments chastising girls for being half-naked and thirsty. Instead, those men should be consistent and enjoy all people in various stages of undress, potential thirst notwithstanding.
Be A Custodian For Your Online Life
Ever wonder how so many of your 0nline friends have such amazing lives? The good news is they don’t! Yep, their lives are just as sucky and boring as yours. They just know how to curate their social media. You can do it, too, but leading a glamorous life isn’t as important as leading a clean and unsearchable one. And let’s be real: Everyone is searching everyone these days.
The most important thing to remember is that you should always think before you tweet. Also, before you Facebook. And, before you Instagram. And absolutely before you snapchat, because, yes, people are going to take screenshots. If your message seems risky at all (not because it’s bold, but because it may be seen as dumb and offensive), consider not pushing it out there. And unless you’re getting paid the big bucks to do so, don’t post anything legally incriminating or morally dubious (wear what you want, but maybe don’t post pics of you shooting fat rails of white lightning while you’re doing it) and make sure your Facebook profile isn’t public.
Whatever you do, don’t post racist, sexist, and any other -ist remarks on Twitter. That’s a general rule for being a good person, but it’s especially important if you’re in PR.
Learn How Humor Works
There are many types of humor and it is good to understand all of them. But, for easy, breezy internet purposes, let’s hit the biggie: satire.
Satire attacks poor behavior by groups in power. It isn’t about making fun of the people and institutions it criticizes. It’s making a point. The Onion, for example, is satire. The Daily Show? Satire. Brass Eye: both satire and a show you should already love.
Few things look sadder online than people who don’t understand satire. There are whole websites designed around this unfortunate type of posting. It’d be nice to think that pieces of news that seem unbelievable are generally satire, but this election really undermines that point. Whenever you think “WTF?” don’t make a post about it. Instead Google the original piece and see if it is real. That should work until you feel more confident in how online humor works.
Don’t Share Deeply Personal Information Unless You’re Ready For The Attention
Never forget that we live in a 24-hour news cycle that’s hungry for any and all drama that it can get its hands on. You think that your petty Facebook fight won’t receive national attention? Then you obviously haven’t seen the Facebook Drama subreddit. Nor have you considered that either your opponent or a gasping bystander might just put everything out on Imgur with your name all over it. Suddenly you’ve gone from doing something dumb in front of your friends to doing something dumb in front of the whole world, which will forget you two days later … even though evidence of your indiscretions, easily Googlable by literally anyone, will remain online forever.
But, why worry about the press when you should be worrying about the people in your own social circle? In case you didn’t know, we humans are a judgy bunch, and yes, you’d best trust and believe that as soon as your drama gets put online, the same people who are liking the rants and call-outs are also the ones discussing them in real life. And there’s nothing worse than getting a reputation for being dramatic. Want to settle a dispute? Consider sending a message instead. (Although even that’s risky when people are obsessed with screenshots.)
One more thing: If you’re one of those people who must post about your relationship non-stop, consider the fact that most people looking don’t take that as a token of love or affection, but as a sign that your self-esteem isn’t doing so great. “But it’s for meeee,” you shout. Sure…but if it’s in public, it’s for everyone else, too.
Accept Disagreement And Blocking
There are times when you can’t hold back; you have to comment, and your comment has to be in opposition. Cool beans. You do you. Other people will feel the same way and it’s important that you be prepared that your posts online will spread far and wide; that visibility will pull in people with opposing opinions. Just go with it. If you want to debate, pull out your Big Book of Fallacies. If you want to get troll-y, flame away. If you want to block them, that works, too. Just be prepared and don’t get your feelings hurt.
Blocking a person is normal. All this whining about it is legit unnecessary. So, you went after your least favorite local politician and they blocked your ass. So what? No one is obligated to host your discussion (especially if you roll hella hard or refuse to accept researched findings). Freedom of speech isn’t being violated. (Seriously, it isn’t, and people need to learn what freedom of speech actually is.) It isn’t a sign that the person is a coward or can’t stand opposing opinions. They just don’t want to engage on a platform where they’re used to seeing pictures of their nephew playing football.
Don’t Tattle
You should have gotten a handle on this when you tried to throw your desk mate under the bus for using your colored pencils. Don’t tattle. Perhaps, it took you longer and you had to wait for a snitches get stitches scenario (if so, super sorry about the stitches). Honestly, there are times when you need to report harassment. That’s not tattling; that’s straight up reporting. Tattling has one objective: to get someone in trouble or get back at them. It’s completely juvenile and a bad look.
This advice pairs well with the advice about accepting disagreement because people often want to tattle when they are disagreed with. As evidence, we cite all of those petty people who retweet things to start a dogpile. Ugh. Examine the case of Nick, average adult and total snitch, who was so heated when a lady named Kari insulted his facial hair that he hunted down her boyfriend and told on her. “She was rude to my friend online, I asked her to check her tone, and she resorts to male bashing? Yeesh.” Then, he got mad that she blocked him. No way! You popped into a conversation that didn’t include you, told someone that their tone needs work, and they didn’t thank you? Lesson: don’t be a total Nick.
If All Else Fails, Don’t Comment
You know why the “like” button was invented? So that you’d never actually have to comment on anything with actual words. And then Facebook doubled down by bringing out a whole slew of reaction emojis ensuring that you would never need to write your thoughts and opinions down again — because you could just express your feelings with the “outraged” or “sad” emoji. So: never comment on anyone’s status unless you’re geared up for a conversation. In the immortal words of that dude from Pulp Fiction, “My name’s Paul and this is between y’all.”
