Get In Shape Now By Preparing For The Imminent Zombie Apocalypse

01.12.17 1 year ago 2 Comments


These are terrifying times. Our country is going through a huge transition of power and everyone is scared that their rights are going to be taken away, or that we’ll go to war. Both are pretty scary propositions, I’ll grant you.

But in our worries about the future of our nation, we’ve completely overlooked THE MOST IMPORTANT THREAT OF ALL. Because the biggest danger to our nation isn’t Donald Trump, or Russia, or immigration, or lack of healthcare, or basic human rights being taken away. No.

It’s zombies. And until we wake up and smell the undead flesh that will soon be amassing in hordes to consume us, we’ll continue to be woefully underprepared for the biggest threat to not only face all of humanity. But don’t panic just yet, you can survive this. If I’ve learned anything from zombie movies, TV, and books, it’s that if you have the necessary skills you can beat the ridiculous odds. (Unless you’re not hot. Sadly, you need to be attractive or you’re definitely going to die).

If you want to thrive in out post-apocalyptic future, you’re going to have to get in shape. Here are the physical skills we should run not walk to our local gyms to perfect (And let’s face it we should practice running anyway).

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