I am the opposite of a domestic goddess. Once, in college, I decided it was time I learned how to cook for myself. I figured I would start with something simple. So I tried to make spaghetti and meatballs. It ended in literal tears.
There was red spaghetti sauce splattered everywhere. It was on the walls, the floor, and all over me. I was covered in more red liquid than Robert Durst after a night with the neighbors.
Needless to say, it was a total disaster. The meatballs fell apart and then burned. The noodles were overdone. And there I stood, sobbing, in the middle of a kitchen that could have been a Dexter set, knowing that cooking wasn’t for me. And while I can boil noodles now without the police being called, honestly, not much has changed since then.
It’s not even just that I’m terrible at cooking (which I am), it’s that I don’t like it. Some people take joy out of measuring ingredients and creating a delicious culinary experience. I take joy out of watching TV in bed while waiting for my Pad See Ewe to be delivered.
But it’s the holidays! And I do like entertaining (plus I LOVE eating). So I’ve had to come up with cheats to creating a delicious dinner party experience.
Which is where Trader Joe’s amazing frozen foods section comes in. Because my main goal when having a holiday party is to try to trick people into thinking that I’m in any way a competent human being in the world (actually, that’s my main goal in life, tricking people into thinking I’m a competent human). So I religiously use Trader Joe’s when we have people over. And I’ve become an expert at their frozen appetizer section. When I make these appetizers, I get actual compliments on my cooking. And in my (wink) “it’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno” voice, I can say, “It’s not me it’s TJ’s. Delicious, Delicious TJ’s”.
So try these apps at your holiday party and fool EVERYONE into thinking you’re the best at #adulting. Even if (in reality) you haven’t done laundry in two weeks and are wearing a bathing suit bottom as underwear.
No one will ever know, my friend. No one will ever know.
10. Stuffed Mushrooms
These were probably my least favorite item. They tasted okay. But even when I cooked them way past their cooking time instructions (because they still weren’t done), they came out kind of slimy. And the minute they cooled down (even a little bit), they were unpalatable. Now to be fair, it’s always a possibility that I did something wrong in the cooking process and it was ALL MY FAULT that they didn’t turn out very well.
But if they’re that complicated to make, they are NOT for me.
9. Parmesan Pastry Pups
These were not great. I mean pigs in a blanket are pigs in blanket. There isn’t a ton of wiggle room there. But I wouldn’t even categorize these as particularly good pigs in a blanket. The crust wasn’t buttery enough for my liking and they were a little dry. Plus, the actual mini hot dogs tasted fairly bland. I would pass on this one.
8. Mini Chicken Tacos
These little tacos are cute, but don’t have enough flavor on their own to be higher on the list. They need to be dipped in Pico de Gallo (Trader Joe’s makes a delicious spicy one) or guacamole to be really good. That being said, I like that a lot of them come in each box and they’ve always gone quickly at parties! Add some dips and these are crowd pleasers.
7. Mushroom Turnovers
These creamy turnovers are just okay. I found the filling to pastry ratio to be a little off. I would have liked more of the mushroom cream sauce and less of the breading. But they are very easy to make, look adorable, and are great on a platter of other gooey pastries.
6. Bacon Wrapped Dates Stuffed With Goat Cheese
It’s hard to go wrong with anything covered in bacon and these are no exception. Trader Joe’s bacon wrapped dates with goat cheese are super delicious. I will say though that they were a little hard to cook. You have to be super on the ball (and let’s face it I am not) with rotating them or they brown up quickly and look burnt on the plate. I ended up with pretty uneven looking dates. It didn’t affect their taste but I wouldn’t want to serve these at a party unless they looked perfect.
5. Burrata, Prosciutto, and Arugula Flat Bread
I love a cut up pizza or flat bread at a gathering for a little heartier appetizer. And I LOVE this flat bread in particular. The combination of flavors here is awesome. The salty prosciutto is perfect with the mild, creamy burrata and flavorful arugula.
This was completely gobbled down the minute I put it out.
4. Thai Vegetable Gyoza
These are one of my favorite Trader Joe’s items. Period. Normally I’d go for a pork or chicken pot sticker, but these veggie gyoza are so savory and amazing. Pro-tip: Skip the soy gyoza dipping sauce and pair these with Trader Joe’s sweet chili sauce. Mmmmmm so good!
3. Chinese Style Pork Buns
I love these microwavable pork buns. The BBQ pork is super flavorful and tender. And the doughy buns make you feel like you’re at a delicious dim sum place. They’re also really filling. The only drawback is that you can only really microwave a few at a time so they are a little more labor intensive.
(Though they take less than a minute to make so not THAT labor intensive.)
2. Vegetable Samosas
These were soooo good.
I love these! They’re just the perfect amount of spicy and sweet. You could pair them with a dipping sauce but I think they are so delicious that you don’t even need to.
1. Pastry Bites With Feta Cheese and Caramelized Onions
These are so perfect and delicious! The creamy feta cheese pairs perfectly with the sweetness of the caramelized onions and the pastry crust is hot, flaky, and tasty. I would eat these all day long. In fact since I like them so much, I might as well marry them!
