Movies

Weekend Conversation: Which Franchise Deserves An All Female Reboot Next?

Ghostbusters hits theaters today and it marks the first opportunity most people will have to see the film whose very idea is being blamed for more ruined childhoods than divorce. But, why let Ghostbusters stand alone? There are plenty of other films that could flourish with an all-female reboot. And as positive reviews roll out and the box office looks as though it will trend in the right direction, it seems likely that Hollywood is probably willing to deal with the blowback from a segment of angry fans. So, who knows? Maybe the next reboot will be born right here from the selections of our writers or the comments section of this article. Who’s excited?!

Lost Boys

I suggest Lost Boys because it’s the only teen vampire film that’s any good. Yeah, I said it. What could the film possibly lose by instead telling the story of two sisters who move to a new town and find themselves facing off against a group of young, female bloodsuckers? Okay, it might lose a lot of the mullets and someone is really going to have to have chops to match Kiefer Sutherland’s low-key menace. The only true problem I foresee is casting a man in the Jami Gertz role. But, I believe the solution lies in a man bun and a low V-neck. Also, I don’t see a way K-Stew won’t be cast in this; she must just radiate vampire movie. – Alia Stearns

Tango & Cash

The most brostastic testostefest from the ’80s can be made better with Ronda Rousey replacing Sylvester Stallone as upper-class narcotics cop Ramona Tango and Jessica Chastain replacing Kurt Russell as narcotics cop Gabrielle Cash. Together, they’ll crack skulls, break rules, quip quips, shower separately in a stall during the tastefully reimagined shower scene (sorry, dudebros), and break out of prison while trying to clear their good names.

There will also be exploding trucks, unexpected Scottish hitmen, zip line action, a room of mirrors, friendship, Channing Tatum as Tango’s scantily clad stripper brother, and archive footage of Jack Palance as lost-Bond villain/drug kingpin Yves Perret. Why use CGI to merge Palance’s old footage with the new instead of simply re-casting the role? Because there should be an expectation of budgetary wastefulness based on the original, and no one — man or woman — alive can deliver a line like, “Ray Tango, how he loves to dance” in the way that Nathan Rabin once described as though Palance was, “in the midst of a powerful orgasm.” We’ll just need to dub in a “she.” Also, there aren’t a lot of folks who can pull two live rats out of a fancy wood box (that just happened to be on his desk) for conversational effect with old-Hollywood panache, either. Hire a director (or two) and let’s get started with a sorely needed female-led badass action film. Hollywood! – Jason Tabrys 

Jurassic…

Jurassic World, the fourth film in the Jurassic Park franchise (and the first of a “revival” of sorts), caught crap for making Bryce Dallas Howard run away from a Tyrannosaurus rex in heels. Yes, the latest movie was quite good, but its treatment of women — including a minor character who met what some consider a “strangely cruel and unusual death” — left much to be desired. So why not adhere to Dr. Ellie Sattler’s jokey prophecy in the first film and let women inherit the Earth? After all, all of the dinosaurs are already badass ladies anyway, so make all of the human characters women too. – Andrew Husband

No Holds Barred

This is a new era for the WWE and women’s professional wrestling in general, so why not update one of the most ridiculously wonderful wrestling movies ever made with a new cast that reflects the incredible evolution of sports entertainment? Charlotte already plays a phenomenal heel in the ring, so she’s a natural to take on the Zeus role, as an unhinged brute who demolishes her competition. Becky Lynch or Sasha Banks can play the role of Rip, and there’s really no limit to the involvement of the current stable of WWE superstars. But the key to this idea, the most crucial point, is that Nattie plays the guy who yells, “DOOOOOOKIIIIIIIIE.” She was born for that role. – Ashley Burns

Grumpy Old Men

Except now it’s Grumpy Old Ladies. The ’90s movies with the late Jack Lemon and Walter Matthau were a hit and a spin-off with two female leads would cash in on the audience that’s made Netflix’s Frankie and Grace a success. “Hmm, but which two older actresses with an electric chemistry could pull off such a feat?” Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis — BOOM! There were rumors of a Thelma and Louise sequel, but that’s a terrible idea since they both died at the end. Just put them both in a Grumpy Old Men-esque vehicle and wait for the box office cash to start flowing in. And if for some reason one of them isn’t available, just get Goldie Hawn or Helen Mirren to fill in. – Bennett Hawkins

Lord of the Rings

I’ve been a Lord of the Rings fan pretty much forever, but it’s always been such a bummer to me that it’s so full of dudes. Sure, we have a few token sets of ovaries, but Tolkien was very much a product of his time and profession. So let’s gender swap it, sending a bunch of badass ladies on a quest instead. Who wouldn’t want to see Eva Green as Aragorn, Helen Mirren as Saruman, and Natalie Dormer as Éomer? – Alyssa Fikse

So, which franchise do you think deserves an all-female reboot next?

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