Using Bruce Willis Movie Quotes To Remember His 1987 Album, ‘The Return Of Bruno’

With the exception of “Jackpot” (he co-wrote it), Bruce Willis covered a number of bluesy tracks back in the late ’80s in an attempt to capitalize on his budding fame as a movie star. While it’s not considered a masterwork in any sense, his star power was able to carry this musical beast to No. 14 on the Billboard 200, a feat that’s commendable, considering he’s made such classics like Hudson Hawk and Surrogates.

All jokes aside, Willis is a Hollywood legend. It’s his 60th birthday today, and he brought us the greatest action film of all-time: Die Hard. His The Return of Bruno album, though? We could have done without. Here are Bruce Willis’ fictional characters reviewing Bruce Willis’ 1987 album.

1. Comin’ Right Up

What Bruce said about it: “…What the f*ck are you doing? How the f*ck did you get into this sh*t?” — John McClane, Die Hard

2. Respect Yourself

What Bruce said about it: “Sure, sure, I know… it just happened. Coulda happened to anybody.” — Joe Hallenbeck, The Last Boy Scout

3. Down in Hollywood

What Bruce said about it: “I don’t think this is right. This is not a dream. This is a nightmare!” — Ernest Menville, Death Becomes Her

4. Young Blood

What Bruce said about it: “Listen, you fail, I cover your ass. I fail, you cover my ass!” — John McClane, Die Hard with a Vengeance

5. Under the Boardwalk

What Bruce said about it: “It’s not that bad…” — Frank Moses, RED

6. Secret Agent Man

What Bruce said about it: “I’m just an ordinary man.” — David Dunn, Unbreakable

7. Jackpot (Bruno’s Bop)

What Bruce said about it: “Free association writing is when you take a pencil in your hand, and you put the pencil to a piece of paper, and you start writing. You don’t look at or think about what you’re writing.” — Malcolm Crowe, The Sixth Sense

8. Fun Time

What Bruce said about it: “You motherf*cker, I’m gonna kill you! I’m gonna f*ckin’ cook you, and I’m gonna f*cking eat you!” — John McClane, Die Hard

9. Flirting with Disaster

What Bruce said about it: “Keep moving, cheese dick.” — Malcolm Crowe, The Sixth Sense