‘The Hurricane Heist’ Is Now The Frontrunner For Best Worst Movie Of 2018

Editor-at-Large
03.12.18 16 Comments

Entertainment Studios

You have to give The Hurricane Heist a lot of credit for getting to the point. It is a movie called The Hurricane Heist and it is about a heist that takes place during a hurricane and both the hurricane and the heist start happening almost right away. There’s some introductory work, sure. A government meteorologist on the scene tells his Washington bosses that what is at that point called Tropical Storm Tammy could be much worse because it “smells like a hurricane.” He also talks to the hurricane and says “They’re underestimating you.” And guess what: they are. The storm becomes a Category 5 megastorm before you can say “Hey, those guys who just showed up at the U.S. Mint sure look suspicious…”

And guess what: they are. A group of bad guys — an inside man with a small group of paramilitary goons, greedy local law enforcement officers, and two hackers who we will be discussing again shortly, I promise — show up as the storm is brewing and promptly take over the entire facility. It’s all kind of like The Rock meets Twister meets Sharknado and if you thought I would not see it opening weekend you are more foolish than those goddamn bureaucratic fat cats in Washington with their naively optimistic storm projections.

I imagine you have some questions at this point. Please, fire away.

Uh, what?

Great question. Everything I’ve said so far is true, but there is much more to it than that. For example, the “heist” in question involves $600 million of old United States currency that was set to be taken out of circulation and shredded. (Money that had been, to quote a character in the movie, up too many noses and shoved into too many G-strings, and that no one will miss.) And because of the storm, most phone lines are down and everyone in the Alabama town the movie is set in has been evacuated. It’s almost too easy, as one of the bad guys indicates later in the movie when he says this line of dialogue, which made me whoop out loud in the theater: “Everything was perfect. All we needed was one little hurricane.”

So I’m guessing from his use of the past tense that this plan doesn’t exactly work out?

Boy howdy, does it ever not work out.

What happens?

Hold on. I have to tell you about Breeze and Will Rutledge first.

Breeze?

Yup. Breeze and Will are brothers whose father was killed in front of them during Hurricane Andrew in 1992. They reacted to this differently. Breeze (Ryan Kwanten) went into the military and now drinks a lot in the office of his… it’s not exactly clear what his business does, exactly. He’s a loose cannon who has a lot of guns and blames himself for his father’s death. That’s the main thing you need to know. And Will (Toby Kebbell) is a former football hero who became the meteorologist we mentioned above. He’s back in his hometown to track the storm and he drives a high-tech government issue armored vehicle that looks kind of like if the Batmobile from the Christopher Nolan trilogy was an SUV. He calls it The Dominator.

So they’re our heroes?

They are two of our three heroes. The third is a Treasury Agent named Casey, who:

  • Is played by Maggie Grace, who you probably know from Lost or from being the kidnapped daughter Liam Neeson saves in Taken
  • Is the partner of the inside man who is behind the heist
  • Is transporting old gross money because she’s being punished for a recent operation that went bad, which is referenced repeatedly in the movie as “the thing in Utah”

Also, at different points in the movie, each Rutledge brother gets to save her by screeching a car to a stop in front of her, throwing open the passenger door, and shouting “Get in!” But you probably figured that out already.

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