When the Independence Day: Resurgence trailer sneaked its way out Fox’s film vault and into our loving arms earlier today, one of the big topics of discussion revolved around one thing: Judd Hirsch hasn’t aged one damn bit!
Sure, in reality he’s aged quite a lot in real life. Hirsch is now 80 years old, which if you run the numbers through some formulas and calculations, you’ll find that he was around 60 when they filmed the last Independence Day. There he was clearly made to look a little older than he actually was, which wasn’t the case this time around. But it also doesn’t matter becuse Hirsch still looks pretty damn great. Let’s check out some comparisons here.
First we have Hirsch as he is seen in the sliver from the trailer for Independence Day: Resurgence:
And here he is from the 2005 US Open:
Despite a few more wrinkles and some extra gray in his hair, the guy looks pretty much the same. It’s something I noticed when he made his guest spots on Maron too. The guy has aged well.
But let’s spitball some ideas here. Sure it might just be natural aging and he’s turned out well over the years. That’s pleasant and nice and boring as hell. There’s got to be a better reason for this slow march into old age for Hirsch. I’ve compiled a few that I think work out well, but might take a little creative thinking to believe.
Conservative Use Of A Fountain Of Youth
Now we’re not saying Hirsch is really Ponce de Leon here, but he could be related. And he could be a very conservative, forward thinking type of fellow. Why would would you want to draw attention to yourself by turning back into a young man. Use just a dab here and there, maybe dye the hair a bit, and keep people guessing. “Good docs or good genes,” they’ll write about you in TMZ. Just calmly live your life with little injections of youth water every week or so. There’s stuff to do and see out there, so you don’t want to miss it by growing old and dying or something.
Actually An Alien
Who really knew, but Hirsch was actually living some sort of Shadow of the Vampire scenario. While starring in Independence Day, a film about aliens looking to conquer the Earth, Judd Hirsch was actually an alien just trying to live his day-to-day life. It would explain why his human shell hasn’t aged like a normal person’s would. It also explains why he knew where Area 51 was. Not a scripted outburst in that film and it changed the direction of the entire film.
You might think, “hey, Roberts, you already mentioned the Fountain of Youth.” But you’d be mistaken. Listerine is far different, and a creation of man. If Hirsch has been using this miracle antiseptic twice a day since the early ’70s, we should just stop talking. The oil has been struck and we’re just not paying attention.
The Soul of Andy Kaufman
Andy Kaufman reportedly died back in 1984, but several sources say he’s still around and waiting to pop out. What if his former Taxi co-star is helping him out in the oddest of ways. They buried a body. They had a funeral. But did they discover a soul? Nope. That’s because Judd Hirsch has been carrying around until a specific time. We likely won’t know when because Kaufman famously liked to take his jokes to the most extreme point, blurring the lines between fiction and reality. Hell, what if Judd Hirsch was actually just Andy Kaufman the entire time and Tony Clifton was the real personality?
The Taste Of Diet Coke
Coke is the most popular brand of soft drink on the planet, that’s how they get away with a marketing campaign that says you’ll drink their product for the taste. Forget being thirsty, forget wanting to refresh your taste buds during a meal, and forget any nutritional value. You only drink it for the taste, and the taste is strong. That’s how Judd Hirsch keeps going. I mean hell, look at the trailer for the new film. He’s out on his boat by himself. Nobody to help him, nobody to make sure he takes his meds. The guy is doing well and it’s all thanks to the taste of Diet Coke. This is why some restaurants won’t carry it. Too expensive for a reason.
Don’t lie to yourself, you knew this was coming. They’re not God’s chosen people for nothing and there is a long line of great Jews who have lived for an advanced number of years with great effectiveness. Moses apparently wandered the desert for 40 years and lived till he was 120. Judd Hirsch is only 80 and he’s helped defeat an alien invasion, survived a sharknado, and helped Timothy Hutton deal with the death of older brother in a sailing accident. If there isn’t some of religious magic at work here, I dunno what else it could be.
The man says it himself: chores help build responsibility. They help keep a mind sharp. They help ward off old age. I might be overstepping there a bit, but it’s clear that chores have worked wonders for Judd Hirsch. He’s not just going to put his name to some silly NBC PSA without having some sort of experience with it. I bet at any moment of the day, you can find Judd Hirsch mopping a floor, taking out garbage, or painting a fence. It’s like the old man who has battled his old age via a playful lifestyle all of his life. Instead of playing hopscotch at 80, Judd Hirsch is washing dishes. Lots of them. And it’s working.
These are just a few ideas on how Judd Hirsch has kept himself together all these years. It remains to be seen if he’ll be doing well against the second alien invasion in Independence Day: Resurgence, but we’ll see. I hold out hope that this boat has some speed in it, possibly due to all the Diet Coke Hirsch has poured into it.