Okay, I apologize for the hyperbole in the headline. I do not know for certain that Pottersville is the weirdest Christmas movie ever because I have admittedly not seen every Christmas movie ever. There could be 10 Christmas movies weirder than Pottersville for all I know. But I am going to stand by my statement anyway, for two primary reasons.
REASON NUMBER ONE: I have seen a lot of weird movies in my life (martial arts movies starring Coolio, movies about circus gorillas hitting home runs, movies about parkour teens taking down Eric Roberts), to the degree that I consider myself something close to an authority on them. I know from weird movies. My qualifications are in order.
REASON NUMBER TWO: Pottersville is a shockingly star-studded movie about a man who saves Christmas by pretending to be Bigfoot after finding out his beloved wife is a furry. It came out four days ago and is already available on VOD.
I think, based on those two statements alone, I have earned the right to declare Pottersville the weirdest Christmas movie ever, at least until I am presented with physical evidence to the contrary. It is so weird. Not just the plot, either, although the plot is very weird. (See above, re: Bigfoot.) It’s just… it’s all of it. I must know everything about this movie, from the writing of the script all the way up to this very moment, when I am typing this sentence. It’s just so completely fascinating.
You probably have a number of questions at this point. I will do my best to answer them. Please, fire away.
Excellent question. Yes, Bigfoot. Kind of. Stick with me here. So there’s this guy named Maynard who owns a grocery store in a small town that’s been decimated by a mill closing. He’s played by Michael Shannon. One day he leaves work ear-…
Michael Shannon is in the Bigfoot Christmas movie?
Michael Shannon is the star of the Bigfoot Christmas movie.
So anyway, one day he leaves work early to surprise his wife at home, and when he walks into the bedroom, he finds her and the town’s sheriff engaged in a non-sexual tryst that involves dressing up in plush costumes. These characters are played by Christina Hendricks and Ron Perlman. Understandably upset abou-…
Hang on. Christina Hendricks plays a furry in the Bigfoot Christmas movie?
And she’s hooking up with Hellboy?
Why is her character dressed in a rabbit costume and hooking up with the actor who played Hellboy, or why is Christina Hendricks in this movie at all?
Fair. The answer to your first question is that her character feels stifled by the constraints of a small town and a traditional marriage and she wants to explore the further reaches of her sexuality.
The answer to your second question is that I have no idea and it is one of the things I mentioned earlier about wanting to know everything about this movie. The casting process is more interesting to me than the plot and the plot is about Bigfoot saving Christmas, for the love of God.
I feel like maybe you’re just making this up.
Does this help?
Yup, holy crap, indeed.
So Michael Shannon’s character gets upset about all of this, understandably, and heads back to his store, where he proceeds to chug a bunch of moonshine that was given to him by a crazy old outdoorsy coot played by Ian McShane. And when he gets good and dru-…