Hello, October. It is now official – the summer of 2015 is over, and, by all accounts, it was a pretty decent one. The weather wasn’t bad; if anything, a little balmy at times, gas prices kept getting lower, and Mad Max: Fury Road was dope. And it’s not just the beach-goers, the day-trippers, or the Thunderdome enthusiasts who enjoyed the past few months. A lot of other people had good summers, as well.
The U.S. Women’s National Team sure did, winning the Women’s World Cup. So did TV viewers; their summers were saved by Mr. Robot, which made up for the dumpster fire that was the second season of True Detective. Tom Brady’s summer was salvaged when his suspension was overturned, and Donald Trump’s summer was huuuge by all accounts and polls.
Two people probably had the best summers of anyone, though: Dave Grohl and Taylor Swift. They’ve owned the internet, dominated social media, and packed venues across the country. Not a day went by without one of them making news. And it was largely the right kind of news, the kind of news that makes you sit back and think about how they seem like the kind of person who would be awesome to, in Grohl’s case, drink a few beers with, and in Swift’s case, I don’t know, go antiquing with or something.
Whether Dave Grohl and Taylor Swift both had great summers is not up for debate. We have the proof, we have the memories, and we have the clickbait to prove it. But which one had the better summer?
Whose Onstage Adventures Were More Memorable?
By now, you are probably well aware that Grohl took a tumble during a Foo Fighters show in Sweden and broke his leg in the process. The resulting injury forced the band to cancel a handful of shows before returning to the stage with Grohl sitting atop a throne he dreamed up while roasted on pain-killers. Oh, and he managed to finish that show in Sweden because DAVE GROHL IS THE LIVING AND BREATHING EPITOME OF ROCK ‘N ROLL. That’s a fact. It’s science.
Our girl Tay Tay managed to avoid any serious injuries on her 1989 tour, but she did have a couple run-ins with stage-crashing fans, fans who apparently forget the one main rule when you’re around Swift. Oh wait, sorry, that’s Avril Lavigne. Either way, Swift had a fan grab her ankle at a show in Edmonton, and, at a show in San Diego, a fan managed to get on stage before being tackled by not one, but four security guards. Bold move by that dude, seeing as how he apparently is the only person in the country who has yet to see Swift’s video for “Bad Blood.” If those guards hadn’t stopped him, you best be sure Cara Delevingne would have.
Dealing with stage-crashers is old news, though. Dealing with a stage crash is a totally different ballgame. A lesser musician would have cancelled the show as soon as they hit the ground, but not Grohl.
Advantage: Dave Grohl
How Did Those Award Shows Work Out For Them?
Well, actually, when it comes to the Emmys, they worked out pretty well for both Grohl and Swift. Swift took home an Emmy for Outstanding Creative Achievement in Interactive Media Original Interactive Program for her AMEX Unstaged: Taylor Swift Experience. It’s not every day you win an award that has almost as many words as you have members of your squad. Swift also took home a handful of MTV Video Music Awards, including Video of the Year for “Bad Blood.”
Grohl won two Emmys for his HBO documentary/passion project Sonic Highways, for Outstanding Sound Editing and Outstanding Sound Mixing. Little bugaboo with the Emmys, though, as they ended up nixing a planned Foo Fighters performance, robbing us all of the Game of Thrones/Foo of Thrones mashup that would have made our heads explode. No, really. Grohl could have performed on the Iron Throne. It would have been epic. Instead, epic fail.
So, what’s better – two Emmys or one Emmys and a gaggle of MTV moon men? Well, it’s musicians we’re talking about, so I guess we have to go with the award that has “music” in it. It’s only fair.
Advantage: Taylor Swift
Who Loves Their Fans? Dave And Taylor Love Their Fans!
They do. Like, a lot. And they don’t just say they love their fans, because anyone can do that. Our good friends Dave and Taylor routinely express how much they love their fans via wonderful and glorious actions. Is it your birthday? Did you write that it’s your birthday on a poster and then go to a Foo Fighters show? Dave Grohl will bring you on stage to sing your favorite song or saddle up behind the drum kit. Heck, man, you might even chug a beer or two with Grohl, because you like chugging beers and Dave Grohl likes chugging beers.
Whether Ms. Taylor Swift loves chugging beers is privileged information. All signs point to only the members of HAIM knowing. But we know she also loves doing things for her fans. Like when she consoled one Swift fan who was overwhelmed by the idea of going away to college. Or the time she donated money to help her backup dancer’s nephew fight cancer. Still, while those are noble deeds, Swift remains a little removed from the people she’s supporting (and who are supporting her), doing her work mostly through the internet. Dave Grohl is a man of the people. He gets right in there and shakes hands directly.
Advantage: Dave Grohl
Who Built The Best #Squad?
Okay, are you ready. Take a sip of coffee. Maybe a swig. Here we go: Lena Dunham, Lorde, Mick Jagger, Kobe Bryant, HAIM, the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team…
…Steven Tyler, Joan Baez, Wiz Khalifa, Beck, St. Vincent, Justin Timberlake, HAIM (again), Selena Gomez, Chris Rock, Julia freakin’ Roberts, Nelly, Fetty Wap, Uzo Aduba, HAIM (again, again), Alanis Morissette, a bevy of famous international models, Jason Derulo, Ed Sheeran (probably) and a handful of other people I forgot.
What do all of those people have in common? If you guessed that they all appeared onstage with Swift at some point this summer, you guessed correctly. It got to a point where if you were a famous person attending a Swift show and weren’t invited onstage, man, how must that feel? Talk about your self-worth taking a hit.
Now, for Grohl and the Foo Fighters. Take another sip of coffee and let’s go: Dave Grohl’s surgeon, Jewel, Stevie Nicks, Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer Chad Smith, a dude celebrating his 50th birthday, HAIM (Wait, what? Those gals are everywhere), John Paul Jones of Led Zeppelin, and Queen drummer Roger Taylor.
That list isn’t shabby. In a normal, pre-Swiftian universe, it’d be impressive. But we’re living in peak Swiftian times, and the drummer for Queen sure as hell ain’t Julia Roberts, let alone Mick Jagger.
Advantage: Taylor Swift
Beefs, Yo.
Dave Grohl may very well be the Nicest Guy in Rock, but even the nicest dude on the block isn’t free of the occasional beef, even if his was fairly tame. He beefed with the Emmys, who had invited Foo Fighters to play, but balked at the idea of the band playing a song from Sonic Highways; instead wanting them to play half of a Sonic Highways tune and then half of “Learn to Fly.” You don’t tell Grohl and the Foos what to play. You can try, but you’ll get this reaction:
No one wants that.
So, when the band said no, the Emmys rescinded the invitation, inciting the Grohl/Emmys beef. Whatever. No one watched the Emmys, anyway. Another Grohl beef was more of a generalized one – younger bands. Foo Fighters play long shows, and Grohl took time during one to call out younger bands who don’t play nearly as long. One last Grohl beef was a resurrected one, with those lovely doves at the Westboro Baptist Church, who once again protested a Foos show in Kansas City and once again were met with an impromptu Foo Fighters show.
Our girl Tay Tay is also super nice. Just ask your nearest supermodel or teenage girl. Yet, Swift isn’t above beefin’ if the situation calls for it. Her ongoing feud with Katy Perry may very well go on as long as, if not longer than, the U.S.’s war/conflict/peace-keeping mission in Iraq, and has probably divided more than one household. (#TeamKaty.) A significantly shorter beef existed between Swift and Apple Music, when Swift wrote an open letter to the company complaining about their plan to not pay artists during the new service’s free trial.
Finally, Swift also beefed with Nicki Minaj. And while this beef was more of a misunderstanding, it was notable because, for the first time, public opinion showed signs of turning on Swift. Minaj and Swift seemed to bury the hatchet at the Video Music Awards, though.
Crisis averted.
But beefs are supposed to be entertaining, if you aren’t involved in them. So, from an entertainment standpoint, we’ll go with Grohl. Those Westboro Baptist Church dingbats deserve all the Rick Astley covers the Foo Fighters can throw at them.
Advantage: Dave Grohl
How About Some Of That Random Ish, Though?
You mean like someone putting Swift’s face into a corn maze?
Okay, that’s pretty cool.
Calling this one now.
Advantage: Taylor Swift
Well, that didn’t solve anything. All that, and we’re tied up. How can we figure out who really had the better summer? It seems like both of their summers were pretty awesome.
I got it. You know who really had the better summer? We did.
What?
Simply by living in a world where Dave Grohl and Taylor Swift exist and having the kind of summers each of them have, we win. We had the better summer because they had such amazing summers.
So… the answer is neither?
Well, yeah.
Isn’t that a cop-out?
No way. I actually realized it halfway through.
So, why didn’t you stop then and just declare “us” the winner?
Uh…
Hey, have a good fall, everyone!
