A Columnist Listened To Nickelback For 24 Hours To Determine If The Band Sucks

Chad Kroeger has given us the blueprint for taking down his band once and for all. In a recent interview, the Nickelback frontman claimed that all of us haters are the reason that he and his bandmates achieved the success that he gargled about in “Rockstar,” and if we want Canada’s prime ministers of cock rock to go away, all we have to do is stop listening and hating. However, Toronto Star entertainment columnist Vinay Menon decided to go the complete opposite way, not only hating on Nickelback more than most people ever have, but by listening to the band for 24 hours to decide if the hate was warranted.

In response to one London man’s campaign to ban Nickelback from England forever by simply raising $1,000 in donations – if this worked, mind you, Craig Mandell would be named Emperor of Earth – Menon wrote that he purchased every Nickelback album and listened to them on repeat for an entire day, while he worked, shopped and did whatever else a Torontonian might do on a random day. My limited knowledge of that city leads me to believe he smoked crack, too.

Sometimes, when I’m hovering in line at an ATM, I’ll blurt out, “God, I hate Nickelback.” Instead of slowly backing away — as people usually do when someone talks to himself in public — strangers will come closer and whisper, “Me too. I hate Nickelback.”

Hating them brings us together.

But is this fair? As I fished my Visa from my wallet and got ready to donate to the crowdfunding scheme, I felt a twinge of guilt. How can I hate something I don’t understand? I can’t name three Nickelback songs and can barely hum the chorus to the one that goes “too late, so wrong, so long, let’s walk, let’s talk.”

Thumbing my Visa, I had a change of heart. I clicked into the iTunes store and did something not on any bucket list: I bought a Nickelback album.

Then I bought all of them. (Via the Toronto Star)

Responded Kroeger: “Hahahahahahahahaha, thanks?”

By my count, that’s seven albums, starting with 1996’s “Curb” and listening all the way through 2011’s “Here and Now.” It’s a shame that Menon couldn’t wait another month for “No Fixed Address,” which hits stores and iTunes on Nov. 18, and is sure to be yet another platinum release thanks to all of the free publicity us haters are giving them. Menon’s goal, ultimately, was to either “stop hating” Nickelback or at least justify his contempt for the band.

His conclusion? Well, I don’t want to ruin the fun, so I’ll limit this to a critique from one person who has only hated Nickelback for sport in the past to another. How Menon could make it through all those words and not mention the fart yogurt of a song that is “Rockstar” is beyond me, especially with its hilarious “look how many people love us!” video, but maybe he’s saving that for the book. However, the line “Nickelback’s instruments sound like they are trading punches in a bar brawl” is Pulitzer-worthy.

Side note: I’d love to know what this guy is up to now.